My Less Perfect Night

Well, before describing how tonight is, lets consider what I'd like it to be that it isn't.  I think my perfect night would be curling up in my huge, comfortable bed, and drifting off to sleep with pleasant thoughts of puppies or turtle snowflakes, or some other such wonderful happiness.

To be fair, this scene is played out on many nights, though its usually more that I pass out from exhaustion in my huge, comfortable bed. But that is really quite pleasant.

Tonight though, is one of those inexplicably sleepless nights. My mom is sleeping in my bed, and as I lay there trying to sleep next to her, I realized I may never be comfortable with someone else in my bed. I'd like to think that's not true, but typically my sleepless nights are when others stay the night with me.

Or perhaps its the rather large amount of caffeine in my system that keeps my mind and heart racing as I lay there, attempting to empty all thoughts. A lot happened today. I had work, with several awkward encounters with coworkers, an unexpected trip to D.I. looking for ugly sweaters for me and a therapist at my work, and our work party, where I wore said sweater all night, hot, uncomfortable, girl sized red sweater with kittens on it. I also made several blunders at this social event, as is my want, and maybe i'm thinking about that?

I think not though. I had several neat talks with people, pretty much enjoyed myself, and don't really care not being the coolest cat at the party. I have made some work-related mistakes involving finances, and that always freaks me out. But none of these things are really on my mind. My mind just won't slow down.

So now I'm out on my short couch, keeping my turtle up so she's splashing around in her dirty nasty tank I need to clean, wondering what I can do that will put me to sleep. I need sleep. I love it. And it loves me.

by the by, i bought a swimming pool for my turtle. pics to come when its all set up and ready :)

My Perfect Day

For the first time in a long time, I did not have to work on Saturday, or do anything else that I did not want to do. No commitments, no agenda. So I lay in bed Friday night and tried to decide how I would spend my precious day. What I came up with wasn't too exciting, but then it made me think about what I would do if I could do anything at all, if I had a whole day to use just as I pleased-how would I please? This is what I came up with:

I envisioned waking up early, so I didn't feel like I'd wasted any part of the day, but feeling refreshed and invigorated. I'd walk outside on my deck in the woods, smell the crisp, fresh air, feel a light breeze on my skin, hear birds chirping. I'd do yoga out there, surrounded by the sounds and the smells and the peace.

Then I'd visit with some good friends. Maybe we'd go for a walk through the trees, or make some kind of delicious food, or just sit outside and chat and laugh.

I would need to go for a walk or a run or something, some way to spend time outside and get centered, away from sidewalks and roads and cars and city noises. This made me realize I must be feeling cooped up in the city and needing to get out in nature more right now, because every happy thought I had involved nature.

I also think I'm feeling overworked, because I just saw me having a chill day, not high energy or anything. I wondered if my day would involve snowboarding or surfing, or even just some time at the beach, because these are things I love, but they all take so much time and effort, sapping your enegery, so right now they didn't make it to my perfect day. Although I think a trip out on a sailboat or out on the ocean would definitely be appropriate.

Then there would be a music session. Alone or with a group of people, I just want time to play, without feeling rushed or forced. Or time to write, to sit and ponder and reflect. To write the great novel I will someday publish...Some creative expression without distractions.

A run at dusk as the sun is setting and the world calms down. And then dinner and a night with the man I love. Yep, that would be awesome. If I could only find him.

So now I know what I want, how do I create this life for myself? I'm working on it.

And I believe it is located in the redwoods. Should I move there?