Rediscovery. Again.

Today is a new day. Thank heavens. And I learned something last night that has set me free. The sad thing is, I have learned it before. Repeatedly. I learn it somewhat often, actually. Every time I go into a frenzy, and the "depths of despair," it forces me to see what I'd purposefully been blind to, and then to realize the truth and the beauty of that truth. And then I'm happy until I forget, slowly at first and then increasing in speed, till I'm back at the bottom of that pit needing to climb out again. Well, last night I climbed out and I'm so glad. And I thought of this that I wrote a year and a half ago when I climbed out of the same pit, and wanted to post it. So here it is




9/30/08

"The Tumbleweed has taught me a great lesson today. It blew into the lake-I didn't see when- and has been effortlessly flowing through the current of the wind. It is now softly floating in the middle of the lake. It has travelled far, covering a great distance with no effort at all. No resistance. If we would let ourselves flow with the current of life, where would we go? It seems that in the end, no man chooses his ultimate destiny. For all our attempts at control, life cannot be controlled, won't be contained. Things happen out of our reckoning, catalystic events or small bumps in the road. No man ever saw the end of his road from the beginning.

The insane part is that we try. We visualize our destination, and then fight with all that is in us to make our road take us there. It never does. So why fight? Why not simply follow the road, blown by the wind, without resistance, to our inevitable end? Or perhaps a much more beautiful end than the one we're left with after forcing all the detours by our attempts at power.

Goals yes. Goals that are from the drift of life, goals that are and come into being. But allow for them to change; to change completely if necessary, without resistance, anger, fear. No matter what caused the change. Accept that the change is, and therefore should be."

Quite the key word here: resistance. Denial. Avoidance. Whatever you want to call it. The thing is, life is so beautiful when we get in the moment of it, enjoy each day and all it brings, and not think about the future, the fear, the unknown. So I've learned yet again that life does not hold in store for me some things, and if I had accepted that before I would have lived more fully, would have felt this wonderful lightness, this giddy anticipation of what life does hold for me. Alright friends. I'm steppin in that riva.