Update

The timing belt on "my" car broke. Sound familiar? This time, given the amount of money just recently dumped into this abomination, we decided to fix it. What's amazing is the length of time it's taken to get to this point. The car sat at work for five days before I could get someone to help me tow it across the street to the shop. It was another two days before I could even get a hold of the shop to find out what was wrong. They are notoriously busy and hard to contact. Once the decision to fix was made and word given, it will be two weeks before I get my car back, hopefully.

Two weeks of the bus. I had planned before on not having a car and just taking the bus. What an absurd notion. Some peope only have the bus; they can't get around any other way. I feel very, very, very sorry for these people. It has been hideous. Missing busses and being late, spending so much extra time riding the bus and walking in the cold; on Tuesday I walked six miles to do my route at Provo because the bus was more out of the way and I didn't want to wait. And Tuesday was cold!!

On top of these frustrations, work has been a pain in the butt and I think I am ready to move on. Weird how it hit, all of a sudden. I was so content there. Too content, really. Complacent, safe, lazy, never going to leave for real. Not now. This experience has been the lead in my soul...there's an expression I'm trying to use here but failing. But you know what I mean?  I think there's no turning back and if all goes well, by spring I will be in Alaska making much more and finally leaving my safety net behind.

These last two weeks have not been the uplifting new year I was hoping to have. I've been frustrated and angry and resistant, haven't run or done yoga, or kept any other goals I set. I think its always harder to do things when you have some huge event like New Year's to motivate you. Cause then you let yourself down and it seems so much more intense.

I hope this isn't too negative. I have hope. This year is awesome and things will be great, I can feel it. Things being bad are impetus for change, and that's what I need. Change.A push.

Sidenote: I went snowboarding today with my parents, and it was fun! But I tried to branch off through some trees and had a spill that has left me with a headache. I also tried to ski on my mom's skis, just to remember, and it was fun but also somehow super exhausting. So I'm all tired and achey, but also content now watching the football game at home and relaxing, ignoring the text from Outback that they need my help this weekend, because I just don't want to deal with it. I am a quitter. (Song on its way, as soon as I can throw some ending together)

Thanks all, to whoever is reading this, I feel an overwhelming sense of love and connection with you. Isn't that weird? But there it is. My friends, I am grateful for you. Peace.