Christmas in August

So I wrote this to put on my blog about a year and a half ago, and I don't know why I never did but when I found it and read it today I thought-this must go on. Not for anything I said, just get to the Bushisms. I can barely contain myself. Anyway, here is the old but still pertinent account:

Day 1: The Whim of a Hat

So Christmas has officially begun; finals are finally over and everyone’s traveling home for the holidays. Saturday morning I woke up way too early, after a couple of nights staying up way too late, and set off for home and family fun. The drive was nice, although I knew I should have been listening to Christmas music and I just couldn’t do it. There’s still too much emotional tension inside and I need the release certain music can give me. I made it home with little mishap. My mom was finishing the Christmas shopping, and my dad and brothers were out jeeping, so I enjoyed a hearty welcome from my dogs and cat. When the boys got home we immediately started abusing each other and calling each other names; I knew right away this would be a fun couple of days. After sitting around a bit and then dancing out all the held-up tension to some funky reggaeton music, I gathered everyone around and introduced them to my new favorite game: TransEuropa. It met with great success from everyone but me, because I’m actually getting tired of the game. They loved it, however, and the good times began.

After playing for a while we decided we needed food, and headed out to the famous “Dan’s Delicious Drive In” for some sustenance. We amused ourselves with mean stickers and arcade games until the food was ready, then joked heartily as we ate, about all kinds of inappropriate things. Joked quite loudly. At one point, after some rather obscene comments about farting and an even louder burp, my little brother looked at my dad and said, “Don’t look at me like I’m doing something wrong.” To which we all burst out laughing for ten minutes. The obsurdity of it, and even worse the fact that he was serious. And that’s my family. On the way back out to the car, my older brother broke off an icicle and tried to stick it down my shirt. I blocked once, but as I got in the car he successfully placed the icy sickle down my back, so I threw it at him. My other brother caught it and then stuffed it down my dad’s shirt. Upon which my dad began to cuss in what seemed a rather familiar way for him, but something I’d never heard before. His words, “I’ll kick you’re a** you sissy boy, you ain’t messin’ with no little girl now,” sent us all into stitches yet again. My dad meant what he said, though, and as we made it home, he grabbed an icicle and proceeded to forcibly manhandle my brother in an attempt to put it down his pants. He knew he only had one chance to get my brother back, so he gave a great effort and ended up giving my brother quite the surprise as suddenly someone was groping his butt. Sadly, my dad had the wrong brother, making the whole situation even more amusing. Man I love my family.

The laughing never stopped. I made Christmas goodies with my mom, ate way too many and became thoroughly sick, then went to see “Night at the Museum” at the tiny theater in town. Pretty funny. More funny watching us all jitter and dance in a line out of the theater after the movie, my dad trying to be some gangster rapper guy. When we got home, we didn’t know what to do, so I insisted we open a present for Christmas Eve’s eve. Only my little brother really felt like it though, so he opened the calendar I gave him of George W. Bushisms by Jacob Weisberg. My family has quite a strong dislike for our 43rd president, so we sat around and for about an hour and a half laughed until we could laugh no more at the ridiculous things our president has said. So that you can understand, I’ll put a couple of samples up.

“I’m hopeful. I know there is a lot of ambition in Washington, obviously. But I hope the ambitious realize that they are more likely to succeed with success as opposed to failure.”

“Free societies are hopeful societies. And free societies will be allies against these hateful few who have no conscience, who kill at the whim of a hat.” (The whim of a hat?)

“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”

“Well, I think if you say you’re going to do something and don’t do it, that’s trustworthiness.”

“If this were a dictatorship, it would be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I’m the dictator.” (This idea is really the root of my dislike for him)

“Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?”

“I’m honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein.”

“First, let me make it very clear, poor people aren’t necessarily killers. Just because you happen to be not rich doesn’t mean you’re willing to kill.”

“I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe, and what I believe-I belive what I believe is right.”

“The Bob Jones policy on interracial dating, I mean I spoke out on interracial dating. I spoke against that. I spoke out against interracial dating. I support the policy of interracial dating.”

“I understand small business growth. I was one.”

“See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda.”

“I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can’t answer your question.”

“I’m looking forward to a good night’s sleep on the soil of a friend,”

I could go on but I think I’m violating copy-right laws. We were dying.