Cold

"Are you freezing?"

So said random man number one to me as I walked to my car, carrying my jacket and orange vest in my arm due to the extreme heat of wading across half the golf course through ankle deep snow. And so shall I introduce one of my biggest pet peeves, the "obvious-opposite question."

"Are you freezing?"

"Are you freezing kidding me? Do I look cold? Why the hell wouldn't I wear my jacket if I was cold? Why would I be sauntering along, not at the brisk pace of those who wish to escape cold, but at a leisurely stroll as I basked in the sun? What could he possibly be thinking? How do I answer that? I think I laughed and politely said something like "No, it's pretty warm when you walk around..." but inside I thought-man, you're an idiot and I wish I didn't have to interact with you.

Here's another scenario, recently reenacted Sunday but having occurred on multiple occasions. I am laying on the couch, cuddled up in a large blanket, completely content. Someone comes over for a visit, sees me, and immediately says "are you cold?"

How do you respond? Because to me, it would seem obvious that no, I am not cold. I'm covered in a freaking huge comforter. There's no way I could be cold at this moment. I was cold, previously, thus the comforter. Took care of the problem. Are they offering to warm me up? "Say, it seems you need some help getting warm, and if you wanted to ditch that huge blanket you got surrounding you with heat, I could give it a shot..." I don't really think that's what anyone means. What do they mean?

I'll admit, the occasional use of sarcasm here is much appreciated. Someone is wearing five sweatshirts and two coats, three pairs of pants and some galoshes, and i think it would be a shame if there were no witty remarks thrown out to emphasize the absurdity. But come on. One blanket isn't absurd. They can't be pointing out how ridiculous it is of me to be wrapped in a blanket on a winter day, can they? But nor would I think they can possibly assume I'm still cold when bundled up so.

So what is their devious objective? I have yet to figure it out, and maybe its just a sign of how i need to let go of finding the appropriate response to a question or situation, because that's really at the root of my peevishness. How do I respond to that? How do I keep my tone from implying that i think you're a moron for asking me that? For now, I just don't know.

You've got to pray just to make it today

So my good friend Derek taught me a lesson this week. He was telling me a story about an experience he had driving in snow. It recently snowed in Washington, snowed a ton, and they're not used to it up there. Derek hates driving in the snow, but got stuck in a storm one Sunday night and had to go home during a blizzard. So apparently there's a two-mile long hill that leads up to his house, and as he approached the hill, he saw brake lights as cars all around him struggled and failed to make it up the hill on the slick roads. He said the road was "littered with cars." His own car struggled, and he thought he'd never make it. So he prayed. He actually said he was praying the whole time he was trying to make it up, and every time he had to stop and then seemed stuck and unable to move, he'd pray and the car would move. He eventually made it home.

This is an interesting contrast to my two recent stuck-in-the-snow experiences. When I got stuck, I yelled, exclaimed, cursed, felt frustrated, hopeless, and angry, and never once thought of praying. The last time I was stuck, the front end of my car was facing into the ditch, and the back end poking up in the street. I was working on a route, and very impatient to finish, as the snow fell for the 36th straight hour. So I stomped out of the car, tried to clear snow away from behind the front tires with my hands, then used my little screw-driver type tool to chip at the icy spots. I was exhausted already from working, scowling, on my hands and knees at work, and muttering the whole time. And I was not getting the car out. Someone drove by and asked if I needed help. I was so tired and frustrated and upset, I just mumbled some incoherent "no, I'm fine, just gonna die here..." and thought the person drove away, never to return. I laid down in the snow on my back and prepared to actually give up the ghost.

Then some lady across the street ran to my aid, offering a shovel with which to dig. Then the girl from the car came back with another girl and a guy, instructing me exactly what to do as they pushed me out. I was saved! She said after having been stuck and helped out twice already, she felt it her duty to help others, and I was her third save. We then proceeded to help out this other guy parked just down from me who was also stuck. This made me happy. The bonding that has happened during these ridiculous weeks of snowy roads is wonderful to see. It is also wonderful to see the Lord helping me, even when I fail to turn to Him and ask for it.

But after talking to Derek, I realized I do need help, and I need to ask the Lord for that help, because He's obviously willing to give it to me. I've been trying. I pray when I'm too tired to go on at work, and He helps me finish, and have a better attitude too. During the towing incident, I had to grab a credit card to pay with, and the guy needed ID. I somehow was unsure where my licence was, having placed it somewhere in my car to have whenever I needed it, but then forgotten where it was. Well, after the long night of walking home from Muse, getting a ride to the towing place, waiting for them to open the gate, and finally getting in to pay, I really didn't want to not have identification and have to go home again. So I went out to my car to find the elusive licence, and as I searched frantically through all my mess of papers in the car, I did pray and ask that I could find it. And you know what? I did. A small example, perhaps, but yet another testament that the Lord does love me and is aware of me, even my silly little struggles that I cause myself. And even when my attitude about it is horrible, and I'm cursing the heavens and fate and anything else that leads me to get in these little scraps (except myself, the real culprit), He still forgives and helps.

I think that is neat.

Towage

Little events, little mistakes, can cause big ripples. Five and a half hears ago, I was silly and fell asleep while driving a moving vehicle, and now I can't work in Alaska in the biggest seasonal job industry there is. Five and a half years! Sometimes after the event, I like to look back on the thought process that led me to make such a mistake. It's usually quite ironic, the decision making that leads me to such fated blunders. I was driving the car because my boyfriend seemed tired, (we were both tired), and I thought, "I can't sleep cause I want to be with him as long as possible, so I'll drive and let him sleep." And yet, somehow, about fifteen minutes after I had taken over the wheel, my eyelids drooped, my focus got fuzzy, and I was swerving across the road in a daze. I then rolled and totalled the car, wrecked the relationship, and had a bloody knee and very sore neck to show for my smart thinking.

That's something of an extreme example. Probably the most extreme I have. But tonight, yet another lapse in judgement led me to park in a tow away zone, ignoring Lindsey's pleas to park in the United Way parking because I didn't know exactly where she was talking about, and I was too lazy to figure it out. Plus I guess I have this "I'm not afraid of you" sort of attitude, I want to see what I can get away with when it comes to parking and driving. Anyway, I saw the tow sign on the parking spot, but thought- 'who needs to shop at Jones and Glass at 9PM on a Friday night? No one. So why shouldn't I park there? We were only going to be two minutes, and I just didn't think it would matter. We did end up staying closer to 30 minutes, but I was not expecting the empty parking lot upon our arrival. Lindsey's' words "I feel like the car isn't here" brought little more than slight surprise as I scanned the area for my little PT. Nothing there. Realization dawned slowly, and I simultaneously fell into a state of shock and disbelief. They towed my car? Why would they do it? Why did they tow my car? Jackie came to the rescue, supplying plenty of attitude and the phone power needed to locate my poor stolen vehicle.

Okay, I'm tired and distracted and need to wrap this up. So $133 dollars later, I have my car back, as well as the knowledge that those no parking-tow away zones are serious business. I feel I learned something tonight, and created a memory to keep 1-09-09 in my mind forever. I just love having friends to share moments like this with. I love that earlier these same friends and I had a picnic on the floor of my house in the biggest Arbys binge I've ever seen. I love that money is just money, and that somehow I feel a little bit more like an adult after this experience.

But I also hope I'll think a little bit more about my actions. I always feel so bad for those people who somehow accidentally kill someone or do some other life-altering damage without meaning to, just from one stupid act they didn't even think about. I hope this new year I can be wiser, think a bit more of consequences, and laugh louder at the stupid mistakes I do make.