WIGS

Goals. I love making goals. I don't know why, when I never end up keeping them and just feel frustrated at falling short of my ideals. But the idea, the concept of getting better, the thought of progression, is too enticing to wholly give up on, and I always seem to end up back at the "drawing board," planning out the lines and points that will eventually get me to where I want to be. I make goals about things I want to do, places I want to go, projects I want to accomplish, books I want to read, exercise, spiritual practices, how much water I'm gonna drink...it's so hard, even though water is key!!!

Anyway, in this book I read a few years ago, the author talks about "Wildly Improbable Goals," and every time I look through that section of the book I get a tinge of excitement at the prospect of setting these goals and seeing them happen. Cause these aren't your ordinary, week-to-week goals. The purpose is to use the goals to find and do that which, deep down, you're burning to do, to live and accomplish things that you're passionate about, even if you don't know it. So I was looking at the book again today, and felt like I needed to set a few more of these goals. I'm at quite the cross-road in my life, and am about to set off on a path to purpose and fulfillment, and I think getting in touch with these deep-rooted dreams will help guide me along. But first I wanted to post my old goals, because its neat to me to see that some goals never change, and also that some have come true. So on March 17, 2006, I made the following goals:

1. Join the folk dance team and perform (completed in 2007)
2. Perform 3 songs that I wrote (I've never "performed" anywhere, but I have played some of my songs for friends
3. Go backpacking in Alaska (not done, but looking likely this summer!)
4. Travel Europe
5. Be part of a humanitarian effort

I added a couple more sometime this year, written in my book somewhat hastily:

Go to Hawaii (Liz, I think that's when we were planning on going..how dare you go without me?!)
Learn to play the cello
Go back to Albania
Run a half marathon
Folk Music

The last one is something need to focus on now. All of a sudden, I have this great desire again to play my violin, and get really good at it. I love it. I just hate that I suck at it, but that's not gonna stop me! I don't really know what goal to set; the book says to find things that you absolutely love and then make goals that are nigh unto impossible regarding those things. hmmm. So things I love and wanted to focus on are:

again, the guitar and writing songs
violin
dance...and actually choreographing dances, which is ridiculous and I can't do it, but I want to. When I see some forms of dance, or hear certain music, I just wish I could dance and fly and express what I feel...
snowboarding
languages-I think I need to focus on Spanish and really learn it
and then something, something to help, some way I can hear about problems in the world and not just feel paralyzed with frustration and helplessness, but actually contribute to a solution.

Vague. Very vague. Maybe I should have waited till I had some actual, specific goal to accomplish these things. But this'll help get me there, I think. So it also says in the book that when you make these goals, then you start to be drawn to things that lead you to your goal, or you're made aware of opportunities, and if anyone has advice or knows of something that'll point me in the right direction, lemme know! I'll do the same for you if given a glimpse of your dreams.

Last quote that I love from this book:
"Your mission in life is where your deep joy and the world's deep hunger meet" ~Richard Bolles

Count Your Blessings

Every time. Every single time I'm looking forward to sleeping in-the one day I have to sleep in-my dad calls around 7 or 7:30, just to chat. I was up late last night, and today have to work even though its Saturday and I really want a break, so I meant to sleep in and then go to the all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast at 10:00, and my dad calls at 7:30 to tell me about electricity and the progress they are making on the bathroom. Ai me. The funny thing is, I do the same thing to him. My parents get up early. Generally before 6 AM, every day. They are always up. But the rare occasions I decide to call them in the morning, sure its no problem because they're up anyway, they are in fact in bed, sleeping blissfully. Its probably good, sleep is not so important, right? Its just my mental state thinking I get to sleep, and when I'm denied that it takes a minute to accept.

But I do accept it. I love my dad so much, and I love talking to him, and I would never not have him wake me up on Saturday morning just to shoot the breeze, because that's what makes our relationship great. And that's also what leads me to be sitting here, writing this post at 8:23 in the morning on the eighth of November. I thought about getting back in bed. But then I thought-I have a few random thoughts, maybe I'll jot them down. So here we go.

Yesterday was a great day. The 7th. Good number. My job, which has been frustrating me, did not frustrate me, and the weather was beautiful. I played with two cute kittens who lifted my spirits. I also saw two little mini-tornado's swirling leaves around. The first was incredible. It started out circling the leaves on the ground, and then, just like in Twister, the leaves started rising in the air. I stood mesmerized. The second made me curious what its like inside a twister, so I jumped in it, and it promptly calmed into nothing. But I was happy.

I went to a great hockey game. I'm very into hockey right now, thanks to a great friend who goes with me every game. We have the best mindless banter I've ever experienced in my life. As good as I get with my family, brothers and all, I think due to the fact that we know each other less well, so its always a surprise what the other will say. He seriously has the best comebacks for all my ridiculous statements, like "your mom was a siderail." I believe his response to that was "she's never been a siderail in her life." He refutes so well what I say that all I can do is laugh. Anyway, I enjoy it, and I discovered that the food is really cheap! I always expected it to be expensive, like at the movie theater, but no. Cheap McCheaperson. Then there's the dancing. Its partly an attempt to stay warm, and partly this new phenomenon that I just gotta groove, can't keep it to myself, so with all the music, I'm hopping, jumping, twisting, singing, lettin it all hang out, so to speak. And I love it. And I've even gotten my friend to sing into the microphone for me. So good times.

I also have been thinking about how happy I am right now. With my life. It's odd, because I don't know what's up with my life, where its headed, or even where it will take me after April. But right now, its delightful. I feel more comfortable here than I ever have before. I love my roommates so much, and get along with them so well, my house feels like home, and I have friends. Good friends. Friends I eat Sunday dinners with, friends I jam with, friends I sit around and do nothing with, go to shows, games, square dancing, watch movies, plan sleepovers and fort-building, friends I am myself around and feel perfectly accepted. Friends who talk about Albania, and know just what that amazing experience was like. Honestly, every night in my prayers I thank God for my amazing friends and for being so blest by them, because every day something happens that makes me happy, cheers me up, and gives me reason to thank Him. That is neat to me.

I also have time. Not a lot, but not the stress that at every minute, I should be studying, reading a textbook, working on this assignment. That's lovely. I am planning on going back to school, and it excites me because I'll always love learning, but for now, the freedom and leisure is great. I don't use my time to work on any of the numerous projects I have to do, but I have it all the same.

By the way, I just applied to work in Alaska this summer. I hope that pans out.

And I think that is all. Thank you Dad for waking me up to enjoy this beautiful morning and have a little time to recount how blessed I am right now. Last words: my turtle is amazing. Over and out.

Happy Voting

I voted today!

It's the first time I've voted. How horrible is that? I've never been very into politics. I just don't understand it very well, and anyone who knows me knows I don't like what I don't understand. I thought politicians were liars and I never saw my opinion mattering or making a difference.

But recently I've learned a little about politics and government. I took a couple of classes that changed my opinion and helped me realize that the more I learn about issues, the more I care. And that if we all got a little more involved, we really could make a difference. Actually, by doing anything, we have a large likelihood of influencing something, just because no one else is doing anything.

The problem is that now I care a little too much, I think. I get angry about political issues, about our lack of involvement, and mostly, about people's lack of understanding. I admit that most issues are very complicated, and there really is no definite right or wrong. I tend to by swayed by both sides as I hear about them, leaving me undecided in the middle, but very frustrated with people who strongly support a side they know little about. Maybe its because I'm unwilling to really study an issue and come to a conclusion; I just sort of waver and waffle about the "complexity" of it all. But when I hear people spout off about things, and how stupid people are for thinking differently than them, I get really angry. Obviously, the answer is not so straight-forward, or there wouldn't be a bunch of other people who disagree. Anything that people feel strongly about is at least worth looking into, isn't it? Or are we saying their opinion, their thoughts, are just unimportant and invalid, because they're different from ours? I have a lot to say about this, and I can't now because its late, but what I'm really saying is that I want to be politically involved, and then I think I shouldn't because I'm too easily riled up, because it makes me think unkindly about others and I don't like that.

I also don't like that despite resolute goals to be an "informed" voter, I didn't actually study any issues, didn't read up about any of the people I voted for except the president. I looked over their profiles in the packet I got, but felt confused and overwhelmed and unsure about what I thought, so I stopped reading and blindly voted. Ah shoot. I am that person I hate. Hmm. Good title.

On a hopeful note, I voted today. To make a difference. I don't know what difference I was aiming for. But there you have it. Baby steps, eh?