Cold

"Are you freezing?"

So said random man number one to me as I walked to my car, carrying my jacket and orange vest in my arm due to the extreme heat of wading across half the golf course through ankle deep snow. And so shall I introduce one of my biggest pet peeves, the "obvious-opposite question."

"Are you freezing?"

"Are you freezing kidding me? Do I look cold? Why the hell wouldn't I wear my jacket if I was cold? Why would I be sauntering along, not at the brisk pace of those who wish to escape cold, but at a leisurely stroll as I basked in the sun? What could he possibly be thinking? How do I answer that? I think I laughed and politely said something like "No, it's pretty warm when you walk around..." but inside I thought-man, you're an idiot and I wish I didn't have to interact with you.

Here's another scenario, recently reenacted Sunday but having occurred on multiple occasions. I am laying on the couch, cuddled up in a large blanket, completely content. Someone comes over for a visit, sees me, and immediately says "are you cold?"

How do you respond? Because to me, it would seem obvious that no, I am not cold. I'm covered in a freaking huge comforter. There's no way I could be cold at this moment. I was cold, previously, thus the comforter. Took care of the problem. Are they offering to warm me up? "Say, it seems you need some help getting warm, and if you wanted to ditch that huge blanket you got surrounding you with heat, I could give it a shot..." I don't really think that's what anyone means. What do they mean?

I'll admit, the occasional use of sarcasm here is much appreciated. Someone is wearing five sweatshirts and two coats, three pairs of pants and some galoshes, and i think it would be a shame if there were no witty remarks thrown out to emphasize the absurdity. But come on. One blanket isn't absurd. They can't be pointing out how ridiculous it is of me to be wrapped in a blanket on a winter day, can they? But nor would I think they can possibly assume I'm still cold when bundled up so.

So what is their devious objective? I have yet to figure it out, and maybe its just a sign of how i need to let go of finding the appropriate response to a question or situation, because that's really at the root of my peevishness. How do I respond to that? How do I keep my tone from implying that i think you're a moron for asking me that? For now, I just don't know.