Rebirth

Okay, so the Dragonheart song is my favorite ever, and I used to think if I could just play it in an orchestra I could die happy. But if you listen to it, either forward to minutes 1:40 or 4:40, because that's the best part. It is also very inspirational and this is my inspirational post today, so it seemed fitting. Okay, so I'm just gonna copy down something that I wrote in my scripture journal today, even though I feel a little silly and like it only makes sense to me. Or is personal. But I share all the personal here, so here it is:

"To quickly write a few thoughts-some wonderful things are happening. I feel reborn. I'm not sure what day exactly, or what happened, but I feel the desire again. I feel like my heart has been changed. Casting off the scales of darkness...I know I've had a lot of ups and downs in the last couple of years, but I feel like the general trend has been downward. But recently, I keep feeling like young Shena, little me in seminary and at Girls Camp those first years, feeling inspired and passionate. Freshman Shena at BYU, struggling but still wanting so much to do whats right. Lady Shena who wants to be more gentle, compassionate, loving, helpful; missionary Shena bearing testimony of the things I know, praying for miracles and seeing them happen. All these happy feelings-sunny Sundays in Montpelier, starry nights pondering my existence and place in the world, amazing friends always there to lift and inspire, love of family that is unconditional, humble, searching feelings of acknowledged inadequacy and faith in God's ability and willingness to make up for it. I don't want the bad girl persona I've been attempting to portray for the last 7-8months. I want to be me, and me is very deep, and many-sided, but I wish there were no side that was close-minded or judgemental. Or bitter or hopeless. I feel a well of hope springing up in me now. The 'happiness' the world offers truly is no comparison to this, to the joy and peace and excitement of truth, beauty, love, God. Goodness abounds, dispels, preserves, strengthens, cleanses, fortifies, softens, inspires, and motivates: does not concern itself for image, appearance, or even personal desires.

I prayed for a day of miracles, and I got it. Thanks to my shooting star."

Valentine's Day Celebration

okay this is what I need to say. Those of you who put a ton of pictures up on your blog, props to you. I can't seem to figure it out, it takes forever to upload them, and then the pictures are all out of order and confusing. But I can't go back now. The random, sloppy organization you see here will have to suffice.

So you may be wondering what a single, akoma slightly broken-hearted girl would have to celebrate about Valentine's Day. Well let me tell you, there was plenty to celebrate. In the following picture, you may notice a wonderful beanie, as well as an attractive, girlish coat. These were both purchases made on Friday, all in anticipation of the wonderful snowboarding trip to be made today, and all with the intent that the workers at Sundance will stop mistaking me for a boy. It really hurts the pride, I tell ya. And while the "hey buddy" I got from the lift guy was slightly evened out by two workers greeting me and Smalls with "hey ladies," it kind of hurts that whenever I'm alone I look like a man. Not even the compliment- "do what he's doing," meaning me, and directed at some rookies stuck in powder, can alleviate the distress of being told I look like a dude. Thus the gear switch, and I love it.

You may notice, however, that the hill behind me is no mountain. No, my desire to prove myself a woman to those darn workers was not destined to be fulfilled today, now was the incredible joy I anticipated at the thought of all the powder up there after the snow storm. See, the problem was that the snow storm was very much a storm, and the canyon roads were terrible to start with, and closed to end with, at the turn off for Sundance. We got all the way up there, just to be turned around and sent back home! Drat. So a couple runs down the hill at Rock Canyon park were necessary, as well as very unsatisfying. What can ya do?

You can jump in a freezing cold river! And so we did. We got home from the "hill", changed into swimming suits and sweats, and headed out to the old PRT. This was Small's idea, and once the idea is voiced, there's no turning back.

Surprisingly enough, I loved it! It's so invigorating and refreshing. The pain doesn't last long-in fact I think the worst part was the anticipation. Then a quick little dunk, some screaming, running, and yelling, and then into the warm sweats, warm car, with body tingling and heart pounding. We may do it every week, although the symbology today should be mentioned. this was our love-life cleansing. We washed away all the mistakes we have made, and can now begin anew in the quest for love and friendship and non-thwartedness. The best part is we drove out there singing "Survivor," and right before we hopped in the water, Smalls sang "I will survive being bootylicious!" Classic.

Oh, then we drove home to Hilary Duff's Coming Clean. All in all quite a sappy affair, yet so cool and tough at the same time. right?

Ah, here's the picture of Smalls. Love those pants!

And then who wouldn't celebrate the wonderful package from my dad? I love that man. A box of goodies and wonderful James Wallace, resting peacefully on my bed in my "woolly booger". He's in my elbow right now and I love him.

Oh yes, this ridiculousness. So, on our shopping spree Friday, we got ourselves some wonderful socks at target, and after a hideous time at a ward party we should never have gone to, we came home, donned the socks, put on the only short-type clothing we could find to show off the socks, and set up for some of the most absurd pictures ever taken. These are not, amazingly enough, the most absurd, although they're up there. Here we are, Irish dancing and...well I'm not sure what Smalls is doing.

Apparently this is a Mary Tyler Moore thing. Is that the right person? You know, throwing the hat and all. I have no idea, just followed Smalls' lead.

Right so, what else? We watched Dreamer and Stardust, were heart-attacked, made a very small amount of very time consuming Valentine's, almost died trying to drive up slippery hills in the snow, made homemade chicken noodle soup, flirted meaninglessly with boys, I dyed my hair, talked to family, took some quizzes...all in all, a good day. So thank you, Valentine's Day, for bringing love, candy, and a break from the norm. We salute you!