Rebirth

Okay, so the Dragonheart song is my favorite ever, and I used to think if I could just play it in an orchestra I could die happy. But if you listen to it, either forward to minutes 1:40 or 4:40, because that's the best part. It is also very inspirational and this is my inspirational post today, so it seemed fitting. Okay, so I'm just gonna copy down something that I wrote in my scripture journal today, even though I feel a little silly and like it only makes sense to me. Or is personal. But I share all the personal here, so here it is:

"To quickly write a few thoughts-some wonderful things are happening. I feel reborn. I'm not sure what day exactly, or what happened, but I feel the desire again. I feel like my heart has been changed. Casting off the scales of darkness...I know I've had a lot of ups and downs in the last couple of years, but I feel like the general trend has been downward. But recently, I keep feeling like young Shena, little me in seminary and at Girls Camp those first years, feeling inspired and passionate. Freshman Shena at BYU, struggling but still wanting so much to do whats right. Lady Shena who wants to be more gentle, compassionate, loving, helpful; missionary Shena bearing testimony of the things I know, praying for miracles and seeing them happen. All these happy feelings-sunny Sundays in Montpelier, starry nights pondering my existence and place in the world, amazing friends always there to lift and inspire, love of family that is unconditional, humble, searching feelings of acknowledged inadequacy and faith in God's ability and willingness to make up for it. I don't want the bad girl persona I've been attempting to portray for the last 7-8months. I want to be me, and me is very deep, and many-sided, but I wish there were no side that was close-minded or judgemental. Or bitter or hopeless. I feel a well of hope springing up in me now. The 'happiness' the world offers truly is no comparison to this, to the joy and peace and excitement of truth, beauty, love, God. Goodness abounds, dispels, preserves, strengthens, cleanses, fortifies, softens, inspires, and motivates: does not concern itself for image, appearance, or even personal desires.

I prayed for a day of miracles, and I got it. Thanks to my shooting star."