Something Fitting

So in honor of Valentine’s Day, I thought it appropriate to post something about the pervasive topic of love. It’s amazing all the different kinds of love there are. I used to think there were just a couple of traditional ways of loving someone; love for family, love for friends, and then real love. Now I think there’s as many ways of loving people as there are people. It’s different for everyone. And that’s good. Makes it more personal I guess. I wrote a poem about a different kind of love when I was on my mission. I wasn’t getting along with my companion, and actually was feeling so much anger and frustration and badness that I thought I was going crazy. Mostly because there’s so much more pressure as a missionary to get along with people, to love them and serve them, especially your companion. So one night I was fuming inside and needed some way to get it out. I wrote a lot of not nice things that I look back on now and wish I would have quite whining so much and gotten over myself. But I also tried to understand and overcome, and in honor of that attempt, this is what I came up with.

Enough For Two

Is there enough love for both you and I,
Both very different, we don’t see eye to eye.
I know you’re a child of the same God above
Who waits with blessings to pour down in love.
He sees us the same, no difference too great,
Both children of His, and we both make mistakes,
But when I feel the pain of the mistakes that you make-
I think surely a just God would me compensate.
But a just God would see all the bad things I do,
And the people I hurt, without meaning to.
So I guess we’re both sinners, neither one more or less,
And the justice of God judges us with the rest.
But the hope that I have and the joy that I’ve found
Is from a God of mercy, with hope that abounds
For all of His children, both for me and for you,
A gift from the Savior, a love big enough for two.

Since I’m in a sharing mood, here’s something else I wrote in relation to my mission. It was actually a couple of months before I left, when I was planning on going and trying to work out the logistics. I had called my mom to talk to her about money and to see if my parents could help at all, and we got in an argument. Mostly it was because my mom didn’t understand why I wanted to go on a mission, and I couldn’t explain because it’s awkward talking about my beliefs with my family. She thought I just wanted to travel or do something new, and I can’t remember what I told her but nothing too personal because I don’t open up with my family about that. So anyway, I felt horrible after talking to her and wrote this.

I never meant to hurt you.
Caught up in myself, I didn’t realize I had.
Always concerned with my happiness, my path;
It’s my life and I’m the one who must live it-
Live with it
Still, I know I am not alone;
My actions do affect others
And you only want what’s best for me.
It was selfish to keep to myself,
To tell insignificant reasons, fearing the truth will offend;
Fear drove my actions, but yes
The fear itself was condescending.
To keep from being hurt, exposing myself,
I hurt you.
I’m sorry.
I didn’t think you’d understand.