Shoot Dang!

Well, I officially give up on posting videos on the blogger. I will never in my life be able to do it. that may be extreme, but there it is.
The gist is, I wanted to show everyone my banjo and my skills, but I couldn't get the video up here so check out my facebook if you want to see it.
for the back story, once upon a time I had my heart broken by a boy. I was sad. I tried to find hope in life, some form of comfort and definition, and salvation came in the form of a banjo. I was at my friend John's house, and some delightful people came over with a guitar and banjo and started playing the bluegrass. Light shone down from heaven, and I felt inspiried, comforted, guided, a source of new hope and life. It was the banjo. I knew right then I needed a banjo. But its taken me six years to act on that prompting, until last month I finally realized that I needed to get my life in order and do what I was destined to do. Play the banjo. And viola. Life makes sense again.

True Love (Banjo Style)

This is a project I did for a Humanities class my freshman year, written 10/17/2000. We had to take the balcony scene of Romeo and Juliet and re-write it in a different setting. I think my setting is somewhat predictive of my future aspirations. Or at least of the secret love I have of the banjo :)

Setting: A deserted banjo shop at night. Jim Bob had entered the store earlier that day and instantly fallen in love with the sight of Banita, a beautiful banjo. Desperate to see his sweet love again, he sneaked into the banjo shop after the owners had locked it up and sought out his forbidden love.

Banita: Twang!

Jim Bob: Why, I recognize that beautiful music! Let me hear it again, sweet darlin': the sound is like the very angels of heaven singing praises to God Almighty. I can pract'ly see them feathery bein's just a soarin' overhead with each twang of your glorious strings!

Banita: Twang! Oh Jim Bobby-why ain't you a banjo like me? If you'd only throw out the stuff that makes you a man, not a banjo, we'd be so happy. Else, I'll say I'm no banjo an' act s'though I'm a...a...lady. Twang!

Jim Bobby: Well I'll be! Listen to that! Do I sit on my haunches and listen to s'more or do I grab my banjo now, I say?

Banita: Twang twang twang! It's only because you're a human that things won't work out. You've got the soul of a banjo, and it don't matter none what you look like, it's what's on the inside that counts. The strings and body, why, they don't matter a'tall. An' sure, that funny frame of yourn does look unusual, but there's something about that round head and long body, with it's arms and legs pokin' out of it..something so...human...why, you're just irresistible! Jus' say you're a banjo and we'll hie to the chapel an' get hitched straighway. Twang.

Jim Bob: Sweet Banita, I'll say whatsoever you please an' do what cha want, s'long as you say you'll have me.

Banita: Twang! How's that? Who are you-what are you doing here? Twang twang!

Jim Bob: Why, who am I, darlin'? Weren't it me you was just harpin' for? I t'won't say who I am e-zactly, meaning of course my name, cause I'm not jus' sure what you want me t'say. Let me know, little stringy, an' I'll say it just as you please.

Banita: Twang! Though I only jus' met you today, I'd know your voice a green mile away. But say, aren't you a human, here in this banjo shop? Twang?

Jim Bob: Not if you say I ain't.

Banita: Twang. But however did you get in? The shop's all locked up for the night and there's no one here to let you in. Why, what're you doin', breakin' and enterin'? You could go to jail if anyone catches you here! TWANG!

Jim Bob: Are you kiddin' me? I got in jus' the same as Robert E. Lee got into that battle-ya know the one, where he beat up all them bad guys? 'Cept, I used all the strat'gy and stealth of love, if you follow me, when he jus' used his brain, an' no love to goad him. Leastaways, that's what I'd figger. But as I was sayin', locked doors an' alarms ain't gonna stop me nohow, 'cause my love is stronger than a real tough root that goes miles down and jus' won't come up, an' my feelings for you, little plucky, are so good's to slip right through a locked door, sorter like the mice slip through our traps every year, so to speak.

Banita: Twang twang. Don't ya know that if they were t'catch you, it'd be off to the jailhouse with you? Twang?!

Jim Bob: Why, you're more dangrous to me than any officer of the l-a-w. B'sides, that sweet sound of yourn'll block out any noise I make and keep me perfectly safe, bless you.

Banita: Twang! I'm just so worried! I don't want them to catch you here! Twang.

Jim Bob: You've jus' gotta calm yourself right down! Don't be afeared for me-I'm covered in the farms darkest mud, just like a soldier in the milit'ry, and you know no one never spies them when they don't wanna be spied. That's all just a way of speakin' though, I'm not really covered in mud. Anyhow, it don't matter none if they do see me, either, if you'll only jus' say you love me. Then I say-shucks if they spy me here with ya! I'd ruther they up and killed me-that's right, shot me dead!-then my clock go on a'ticking without your sweet twangin' t'keep me comp'ny.

Banita: Twang? Oh Jim Bobby, how'd you ever find this banjo shop anyway? Twang.

Jim Bobby: 'Twas my on-going love of ta banjo that first set me a'looking for a banjo shop, an' though I ain't never been outside my own great state, nor even to speak of my nation-that of the US of A, as it were, and known' my great and abidin' fear of travelin' and of water-not ordinary drinking water like we have at t'farm, mind you, I'm talkin' 'bout them great big accum'lations of water; yep, even the great blue sea yonder-why, what were I sayin'? Oh yeah, my fear of travelin' and water-the lot of water all together like-and my fear of them foreign parts and their diplomats and funny ways, not even denyin' the fact that the people ther're so strange and talk only gibberish not even a fool could understand (I'm talkin' 'bout overseas now, see?) Anyhoo, what with all this, I'd a still left my home turf, sailed over the seven seas, and even set foot upon those places with the crazies shoutin' gibberish, for one music store such as this primo place, in especial to find one such banjo jus' as yourself-a most wondrous piece of mer-chan-dise as I ever seen. (Course, that is supposin' I knew aforehand you'd be there, sweet stringy, else what should I go all the way over the ocean and all for, just to find nothin' there...

The End

Home 09

I went home with Smalls last weekend, and here are some reasons why I love my home, family, and town.

1. Pets! I love them. And I love sitting on the porch when the morning sun warms you while my mom rocks in her little swing chair.

2. random cool events that pass through. Like the LOTOJA, a race I'd never heard of but am now quite familiar with. Bikers go from Logan to Jackson in one day, passing through Montpelier!

3. Other random things pass through. Like...airplane wings?

bikers continued. There were soooo many people. We decided we needed to do this race next year. Until we researched it. Now we're thinking about it.

4. Where else could you help drive a team of oxen?

Or make friends with a lovely pioneer and her dog?

5. kids in watermelons. Need I say more?

6. No, not the famous raspberry shakes, a standard Arctic Circle shake you could find anywhere. But really good shakes. Smalls likes the chocolate banana, my favorite is the Oreo with mint.

6. The chance to overcome fears. This slide daunted me for so long as a child. I was terrified of it every time I came to this park with my brother.

Success! I am no longer afraid.

Smalls never really felt any fear, but at least she pretended to.

7. I think 7, I lost count. Yeah, what the heck? What is this creepy spider thing? But I remember it being there from when I was little.

Close up of his happy face.

8. Always water to be jumped into. We didn't want to go all the way to the lake because it was a cold day and the lake is far, so we drove up to the reservoir, braved the moss lining the shore, and dove in.

Surprisingly very cold, but refreshing as always

9. Brothers. Especially great brothers who spread their sauces with Doritos.

10. Delicious food. Always a ton of it too. We got stuffed that weekend!

11. Emma! My mom has given up having a grandchild, and has taken matters into her own hands. this is her baby girl, Emma, who is heavy like a newborn and has only needed a few minor adjustments to her feet...Smalls took to her right away and had to sleep with her

12. Brothers and pets, already stated. But doing ridiculous things such as this!

13. Papas. And plans to go to church that are thwarted by conference. This has happened a large number of times in my life, and I'm ashamed to say I'm always a little glad there's no church..oops!

14. Football!! It has been a long time. I like football! I wanted to watch it when we were done, wanted to get in shape to play, had visions of winning championships...then got so sore the next day I forgot it all.

I was finally on a winning team, when it was me, Shawn, and Chris, against smalls and my dad. We couldn't determine if Shawn's winning powers were stronger than my losing powers, so we had to combine forces to see that I wasn't that big of a loser. thank goodness.

Oh yeah basketball too. I was finishing knitting at this point so I hadn't joined in the fun yet. smalls won though, as always.

15. Cows in the backyard.

16. Doing mean and ridiculous things to my pets. I thought Odie looked good with brown hair :)

Pooky looked better.

Undocumented events were the shopping spree with my mom before getting to Montpelier, eating at Chiles, walk with the dogs, and stopping to visit the Leonhardts on our way home. I love those people, and they gave us two bags full of vegetables from their garden, and fed us not fasule but Lenhardio beans. wonderful.

9-09-09

Today was a good day. Lovely really, and exceptional in that my Tuesdays of late have been really crappy. We've called them Tuesday Bluesdays, and have required hot fudge sundaes from McDonald's just to make it through (By we I mean Smalls and me). Well, last week Smalls told me we needed to break the streak, stop letting this rut take over our lives. Last Tuesday was alright, not great. But good enough that I was pretty sure today would be fine. And it was! I woke up happy, like not just a lack of sadness or unhappiness, but a joy and giddiness for life. I had a beautiful route up by the canyon where the morning scent floated around me and the sun slowly warmed me. We got the sundaes more out of celebration than need, and then I even obtained some pleasure studying for class. Which, in turn, made class more enjoyable because I was prepared and knew what we were talking about.

Then I came home and talked to my good friend Derek, while simultaneously going for a nice walk around Provo on a beautiful evening, and maybe one of the last where bear feet will be an option. And this brings me to my point, and the reason I'm blogging tonight. Well first, I love numbers. I've been ecstatic about the whole month of September, the 9's!!! Delicious. I thought of 9-07-09 and how cool that was. Today I even enjoyed the 9-08-09, and wrote it often at school. But I never stopped to consider the enormous import of Wednesday, 9-09-09. Look at that! It's wonderful. Luckily, Derek reminded me by reading a flyer of a party his mom had been invited to, and I am now sitting up late at night, or rather, early on this momentous day, wondering how to best celebrate a day charged with such possibility.

Which brings me to my never-ending quandary...how to celebrate anything? I'm all for celebrations, and ever since junior high I've talked about equinox parties and solstice celebrations. Talked, and never acted. One, because a celebration with one person is odd, but so are most of my party ideas so its hard to find people interested. But also, I just can't think what to do. I've danced around a time or two. Gone for walks or hikes. But really, there's got to be something better. If anyone has any ideas, please let me know!

Maybe I could think back to when I was nine years old. hmmm. I lived in Utah. I was into tumbling, probably in some ridiculous class that dressed me up as a ninja turtle and made me prance around. I liked bouncy balls alot. We used to play with them all recess. Also into riding bikes. And going to the cement pipes. There was a field with lots of cement pipes all around, and a couple piled up into a pretty high pyramid, and we climbed all over those things. We went skiing occasionally. I wanted to be a singer, and can remember singing into one of those dusty-broom things at the top of my lungs, to classics such as "I will always love you" by Whitney Houston, and "Baby sometimes love just ain't enough" by Don Henley and someone else, Smalls says Celine Dione. I think I did some ridiculous tumbling routine in school with Julie, to Paula Abdul's "Two steps back" song. wow.

enough of that. How about 9 favorite things? that's so repetitive for me. 9 favorite things about life. I like it.

1. (pause) this is harder than I thought. maybe I'm trying to go too deep. simplify.
humour- I like that we all have to sit down and laugh sometimes at the ridiculous things that happen to all of us.

2. commonality-we're all human and therefore share a lot of things. Growth, feelings, pain, loss, joy, accomplishment. we have different experiences, but most of these generalize to help us understand others' experience, at least when we try. I really like that about humankind.

3. hope-the way things work out better than I think they will. I have a tendency to imagine the worst in many scenarios, and to leave life hanging at that moment when all is lost and can never be recovered. The amazing thing is, even when worse than the worst I imagined happens, its a moment, one that is followed by so many more moments that in time, that moment disappears or ceases to matter. Despite the possibility for sorrow and heartache, loneliness or disappointment, I still have hope, knowing that things have always gotten better in the past, and they will in the future when something goes wrong. I guess that leads into my next point;

4. "We are intrepid. We carry on" (bonus for anyone who can name that movie...and is still reading this). Life goes on. Changes, always always changes. So many cases that have seemed hopeless, lost causes, going nowhere-followed by learning, change, growth, a new direction, always the possibility of a new direction. I love that. That perspective that in ten years, twenty, fifty, things will be different. Different things will matter. It never ends. Until it ends.

5. Obviously the opportunity to learn and grow. The atonement plays a very huge role in this. I love the symbolism of a new day, a new dawning, birth. I love it because I need it; I think we all do. And we have it. And because of mistakes, because we travel long and far into the night, getting lost, downhearted, frantic, we learn to be wiser next time, we learn to do better. We learn to empathize with those who get off track. We learn, in short, to be human. I like being human.

6. feeling more than human. You know those brief moments when you seem to touch something, to reach out to the divine...to be divine? I went to the canyon a few months ago, and I looked at the mountain, and thought of it so strong and firm and ancient. I thought of how many years those rocks have looked down from above, how many things they've seen. They've felt wind and rain, sunshine and moonshine. They've seen birth and death, loving and fighting. They've watched things be built and destroyed. They've stood firm through it all, immovable, untouched, almost, through the tides of time. It's amazing. And more amazing still is the fact that I'm older than those hills. My spirit has been around way longer, has seen and done and known. I am ancient! and that thought is cool to me. It makes me feel stronger. wiser. less movable.

7. love. There are so many kinds of love. That itself is amazing. and i'm glad that our ability to love grows as we do. Unconditional love for family, that maybe turns conditional at times ;) the thrill of loving others, getting to know others that are unfamiliar to us, different from us, and learning the mystery and excitement of them, the complexity of each human, and seeing the wonder within. I think I have only allowed myself to love a small number of people, something I hope to change, to expand. I think when I take the effort to know someone, I love them. I want to make more effort.

8. unpredictable-life is so uncertain, and we struggle and fight all our lives to define, understand, and predict what will happen, when, how, where, why...seeking some magical formula that will tell us what will happen at all stages of life. I seek for that control, mostly, and struggle right along with everyone else. But there are times. Sweet moments of acceptance and surrender, when I acknowledge I don't know what's happening, and never ever will. Even when things seem sure, certain, each day brings with it an element of surprise. And that's nice. My plans change about every week, so if I was truly in control of my life, I'd be a mess from so many false starts.

9. desire to live-I have such a strong desire to live, to truly live. I haven't mastered that skill yet. Mostly I live in some dream world, or live through someone else's perspective. At times, i get so caught up in some ridiculous thought that I turn frantic, and have even considered the possibility of dying in different ways. And whenever that though turns a little bit real in my head, or whenever I'm actually placed in a life-threatening situation, I feel this burning desire to live, to stay here, with all the problems, the fears, the issues or whatever, because life, no matter how hard or horrific at times, is beautiful. And the horror can add to the beauty, can add to the humanness, to the feeling. These moments make up me, and I want to be me, and to live to become a better me.

Alright, bring on the 9's. I think I'm ready for 'em.