Dragon Training

I saw How to Train Your Dragon yesterday, all by my onsie. It was my favorite ever. I want a dragon. I want Hiccup. But I especially want to train for something meaningful. I have yet to decide if I am training to be a dragon, or be worthy of a dragon, but either way it means some intense training. So.

What it looks like:

1. Getting up at the crack of dawn, to watch the dawn, do yoga, and read scriptures.
(that's what it should look like. What actually happened today: Set alarm for 5:13, saw that it was raining and no dawn was apparent, and stayed in bed another hour. Then groggily got up to get ready for work at 6:30, no dawn, no yoga, no happiness. A blizzard instead awaited me.)

2. Battling the elements. I got hit with rain, snow, wind, sleet, mud, and sun today. I had to pack in this, drive in this, walk in it, wait in it, you name it! I felt like a real ninja.

3. Working 13 hours on my birthday. Not ideal, but a real warrior doesn't complain, doesn't shirk duty. I may have complained, but I didn't shirk. I didn't seek out more duty, but I didn't shirk the duty I had.

4. Running at 9 PM because I didn't do yoga in the morning. I wanted to be outside somewhere pretty, but I was hoping to catch the waning sunlight before it went down. Didn't have time, due to a stop at the cemetery to celebrate Wilford Smoot's birthday (100 years before mine)with flowers, so I I had to run in semi-darkness. Still wanted outside though, pretty, so I went to the bench trail thing on the mountain. That thing kills me when I'm in shape; my first time running in about a year it was maybe not the best re-introduction to the sport. But as I set off in the moonlight, I thought, a dragon warrior gains strength from the moon, and isn't afraid of hills and mud. So I ran, and ran, then walked some up a hill, then ran some more, etc. and it was pitiful in comparison to the old running days, but I felt strong and proud tonight.

Yoga tomorrow though.

5. Making things happen by sheer power of mind. I've been frustrated that I can't drive at work and felt that things needed to change. Today, things changed. They re-submitted my name for the insurance and for some inexplicable reason I passed. I drove out to my desert today and was able to drive back in alone, one of my favorite things. The freedom, the roads, delight. What shall I make happen next?

6. Humility, love, learning, scriptures, forgiveness, courage, discovery, these are all parts of the dragon training. I made a new blog to document the adventure this next year will be. Please check it out and offer comments, feedback, advice, what have you, all geared towards making me a fit dragon/dragon warrior/dragon haver.

http://onbecomingascientist.blogspot.com/

Namaste

101 Posts!

This is my 101st post on this blog. I just saw it as I got on here to blog about something else, and felt it was a momentous enough occassion to give it a separate spot. Yeah numerical meanings! Yeah posting! Yeah!

One Hour Makes All the Difference

Have you ever noticed that early in the morning or late at night, an hour becomes a huge leap of time? While the shift from 1:00 to 2:00 PM might pass without a second notice, and 7-8 is just a TV show or two, going to bed at midnight and going to bed at one seem wholly unsimilar, and waking up at 5 or at 6 can make a difference in your whole day.

I noticed just this phenomenon after last night's fitful slumber. That is not how you spell fitfull. hmm. is it even a word? I would just use spell check but in this new format I don't have it. Darn.

Anyway, off topic. As I was saying. On Saturday morning I awoke naturally at some time before daybreak. I was just lying there in bed, and suddenly I was consious and aware of the bird chirping outside my window. It was peaceful. Because it was still dark, I knew it was pretty early yet, as the sun begins to make its presence known between 5 and 5:30 these days. Early meant I did not have to get up soon, which was pleasant. I lay there, and glanced out my window at the world, with just the beginning tinges of light starting to show, then looked at my clock and saw it was about 4:45. As I lay there, I began to get this tingle of excitement. I did have to get up somewhat early that day, to get to work and finish in time to meet my family in salt lake for a day of wandering and house shopping. I was stoked to see the fam, as always, and as I lay there thinking about it, I became more and more awake.

I had many pleasant thoughts. I've been super stressed lately, trying to figure out what to do with myself, and usually this stress makes itself known by me purposefully avoiding thinking about my future or anything further than that day, pointedly blanking about any sort of decision-making that may be necessary. But Saturday morning I thought about things, and life just seemed so all-around pleasant and agreeable that I felt hope and excitement for everything. Truly there is something magical about a dawn about to break, and almost I wanted to get out of bed to see it. I thought of going to work right then, but realized that I couldn't and I would have to wait. Eventually I fell back asleep until 7 or so when I got up.

But you see how pleasant that was? Life was happy and hopeful. I had purpose and meaning, even if it was just to appreciate a new day.

Contrast this with my experience last night.

I ate a looooot of food this weekend. What with the rents in Salt Lake and then Sunday being my typical out of control, eat a ton to get me through church and being at home, and the roommate dinner of goodness, I was pretty well stuffed when I went to bed. I don't sleep very well, I've discovered, when I eat a lot before bed, especially sugar. So this morning, I awoke after some crazy nightmare where I was actually in an action-movie, following along some Bourne like character that was fighting for our lives, and I had no fear that he could be hurt, but quite a bit of fear that I could be. At some point my man ran in a room and I was left to hide in this closet while zombie things chased me, and I was sure they would get me. Somehow they didn't, but then I couldn't find the guy and he'd seemed to abandon me.

At this point I woke up, sad, scared, and uneasy. What an odd dream! And then I felt weird, and I looked at my clock, and it was 3:23. An odd forboding came over me, and I cursed the time as though it had personally offended me. It somehow seemed the very worst thing that could happen to me that I would wake up at 3:23. And I was instantly untired, though extremely grumpy and panicked about not being tired. I knew I wouldn't fall back asleep, and it would ruin my day, and then I thought, well why does it matter? My day doesn't matter! And then I started thinking about my life and what I should do, and I felt like the biggest loser in the history of the world. I thought of my upcoming birthday, I thought of my lack of money, I thought of letting everyone down, I thought a myriad of awful, hopeless, gloomy thoughts. There was no excitement for the day here. No enthusiasm or tingle. I was miserable, and lay restlessly, trying to force my self to sleep amid insults and threats hurled my way by my own disturbed brain. After a while I checked the time again only to see an hour had gone by. Curses again! The insult! The injury! This was the end of the world. I gave in by reading a book until I calmed down and fell asleep, but my morning was much less happy and it took quite a while to pick myself up out of the slum I slid into in the night.

So my point is, what a difference that hour makes. I like morning. If I could just get out of bed and hie myself outside, I would love to wake with the sun everyday and I think the magic of the time would do wonders for me. But there is something unlawful about the 2-3 AM hours. On rare occassion they should be seen, but in general it is a mystic time of no good, and it surprised me how it attacked me this morning. Soon I hope to drift peacefully off to sleep, aided by a slight hunger that will keep the churning, digestive stomache to a minimum. And I hope to learn to conquer this unruly time of night in the future.

Something good about Mondays

Today I thought- I love Mondays. This unusual statement stemmed from checking my blog, only to see that about 5 people had updated theirs. I think this usually happens sometime during the weekend, when people have a chance to do something for fun. I liked it. I got to see some cute little kid pictures, hear about how my friends are doing, and remember that there are great things in life.

So I came to make just a simple little blog tribtue to Mondays, and then as I uttered the phrase to myself -" I love Mondays," with the feeling that this was perfectly normal and everyone would be on my side with this one, I remembered the ugly truth about this particular day.

Not many people like Mondays. Mondays are hard days. They mean work and responsibility and vacations over and get things done. They mean an abrupt awakening for many when they have had two days to sleep in. They are often met with rushed, frantic appearances and bloodshot eyes. While I acknowledge this and admit I have often cursed this retched day, today I think Monday is swell and I'll give a few more reasons why.

Mondays are new beginings. How many well-intentioned goals have fallen through at one point or other in the week, only to be recommitted to on Monday. "Well, I already blew that resolution, so I might as well let loose this weekend and start again Monday." I'm not saying that's a great attitude, but it is nice to have such a definite starting place to try again.

Mondays offer new perspective. If you have a job that is the same old thing everyday, maybe after being gone for two days you see things a little differently, before the drone of habits and patterns dulls your senses into oblivion.

For me, today, Mondays are beautiful because I worked a ton last week, and so far it looks like this week will be much calmer. So though I set my alarm, I got up half an hour after it went off. I did yoga, and then meant to go to work, but its raining and I thought...hmm, I'd rather not. So I didn't. Instead I researched schools and thought about my future. I probably don't really have the time to do this, but at the begining of the week, it seems like I have so much time, might as well waste some, right? thank you monday, for hiding from me all I need to get done this week.

Yes, that will do. Thank you Monday for the gift that is you. I hope everyone has a spectacular day.

Horoscopes

I thought this was encouraging. It's good to know the stars are on my side.

You will have a chance to reconnect with one or two old friends from the past and make plans to do things together in the future.

Two more eclipses are due to fall in the same family of signs, so clearly the way you make money and how you manage it is shifting day by day. Eclipses are known to take things away and bring on sudden endings, but they also bring unusual opportunities and fresh starts, too. You do have lots of reasons to feel you will find more money if you lost a source.

The fact that Saturn will move ahead on May 30 is good news, for it means that finally you'll be able to figure out which path to take to find new sources and how to deal with present financial obligations.

For now, you seem to be coping with the home, other property, and real estate matter. This will be a relief on many levels - your health will improve, your confidence will return, and you won't feel so stuck, unsure of which way to go, if indeed you do, which seems possible, dear Gemini.

Know that no matter when your birthday falls, you are nearing the end of a 1,000-mile journey. Saturn in hard angle to the Sun is considered a hefty, difficult aspect, and you've shouldered this since September 2007. It's been a long road, dear Gemini, but it is about to the end. This is one ending you'll be happy to see.

The new moon May 13 happens to be one of my favorites of the year. It will reach out and send a kiss to Jupiter (healing), Saturn (long-term benefits), and Uranus (surprise). What a lineup! You can use this new moon to begin a new chapter in your well being, so don't delay! If there is a new exercise routine you wanted to try to increase fitness, this is your moment to do so. Because the new moon is in Taurus, a fixed sign, routines you begin now will be ones you'd likely stay faithful to over time. If you have been vowing to eat more nutritiously, begin to turn over a new leaf. It is a time of fresh starts and for deleting old, outworn behaviors that aren't doing you any favors. I love this new moon!

If you feel life has been same-old for too long, you have a really different and very encouraging planetary energy to look forward to in coming months. You'll have a better shot at finding or enjoying love, and to enjoy the company of friends

I'm a spaz

Ah crap. I don't think I can add pictures now. Not that I use them so very much, but I have goals of enhancing my blog with photo soon. But I don't have a place to do it anymore. Or spellcheck. Lindsey!!!! Help!!!! If you do I'll come to Vermont and ride back with you.

Also, it was reaffirmed to me that I am a spaz. I may be turning 28 this month, but as far as social skills go I'm barely on par with a 7 year old. Julie, do you remember when we made all those thread bracelet things and then wanted to sell them? We got really into making these bracelets and necklaces and such, and then we set up this table in my front yard and put everything on it and waited for someone to pass by. I lived on a fairly busy street, lots of cars but not a lot of walkers, so we waited a while, but eventually this guy came down the road. As soon as I saw that his passing was inevitable, I screamed and ran behind the house. Julie followed. That put an end to our enterprising business goals.

I think I do the same thing still. Mostly I am talking about guys and being around them. I seem to have never figured out how to do it. There are plenty of cute guys I encounter, but I have no idea how to interact with them, so I often just run away and avoid all contact. The other alternative to my running away is much more embarassing, and also much more common these days.

Again, I will refer to Julie as the expert witness to many of my absurd, obnoxious calls for attention. I had a crush on her older brother and an almost psychotic need to impress him. Whenver he was around, I struggled so hard to act like I couldn't care less what he thought, all the way watching every move to gauge his reaction to what I was doing; odd really, given that his reaction was never positive yet I continued doing what I was doing. I was loud and silly and could never think straight so whatever I said, loud though it was, made no sense, followed no logical reasoning, and had nothing to do with anyone else's comments.

This was just the behavior I exhibited working at Outback on Monday. There I was, casually going about my job with the coolest of demeanors, when in walked two field staff doing another transport. One staff was cute but I had never met him before; the second was none other than hotty mc-hotterson. Wow, I've never spelled that before. It looks weird. Anyway, this guy is smokin' and also amazingly wonderful. I worked with him...three years ago now? Anyway, at work I saw a wonderful, deep, thoughtful side of him that makes him delightful, but he is also a horrendous tease and was always joking around with the female staff. This is not the type of guy I am interested in. He was obviously too cool for me. But he always teased me too, and try as I might, I could never help but grin the biggest smile whenver he talked to me. It was like I was under a spell, and I was embarassed everytime because I thought he could see how I was completely smitten.

Well, anyway, three years have passed and turns out we've both returned to Outback for a bit. And in he walked, beautiful as ever, cracking jokes, cool, calm, collected. And what the hell was I doing? No idea. Talking loudly to the girl I was working with. Moving in exagerated, eratic ways designed I suppose to illicit attention, and possibly perform a dance move as well. I wouldn't put it past me. I'm sure I immediately started sweating. I told exuberant stories and tried to amp up my outdoor knowledge, probably more for new guys benefit since he hadn't worked with me before. Honestly, I was shaking my head at myself, but couldn't get under control until they left.

Is this pathetic or what? And humorous, I suppose. I don't really care what they think. Like, I could never see them again and it wouldn't matter to me. So it's odd that I can't just talk reasonably with people and not act like a deer in headlights. But somehow there's this part of me that becomes a handicapped toddler around boys, and I'm not at all surprised to find myself in the situation I am in. Why do I fall to peices like that? I just don't know. I guess I just laugh at myself and think that's what it means to be human, but honestly. what the deuce?

P.S. I have quit Telos and am OVERJOYED at that, and have worked at Outback everyday this week, so things are picking up there to make up for the other job. Plans are incredibly sketchy for the summer but shoot, when are they not for me? It's part of my spaziness. Right?