Secret Santa...at Thanksgiving

Last week my brother posted something on facebook about how he was out of money and  couldn't eat because of it. My brother often has money problems, and I have never felt obligated to get involved. I feel like a lot of my family's problems with money stem from my parents lack of ability to not bail out their children when things get tight.

So anyway, when I first read about his troubles, I determined not to mind and trust that he'd be okay for a few days. Then there was some conversation on his facebook; some girl told him to get top ramen, he mentioned that he liked top ramen but couldn't afford it. This was too much.

Failing to get into all the reasons why this is absurd, and all the misuses of money that led to this scenario, my sister sense could not let such a situation continue. It wasn't until he texted me that night though, just mentioning how excited he was for Thanksgiving and having cookies and such that I knew I had to act. I determined then and there I would make him some cookies and drive them up to him.

While not entirely convenient, this plan seemed illuminated from above as the only thing to do, and the more I thought about it, the more excited I got. I would make him cookies and biscuits!! And why not get him some ramen too? I can afford it, right now at least. And why stop at ramen? How many cheap, easy meals could I acquire for my baby brother?

I went to Macey's and loaded up on all the macaroni, ravioli, spaghetti, ramen, tortillas, frozen pizzas, and whatever else i could think of that he would eat, all the while with this warm little glow inside of me, this giddiness as I imagnied his response. I felt like Harry Potter when he takes that lucky potion stuff. Just happy, and like it was right.

I drove up to Salt Lake with a car full of food and cookies, and a heart full of gratitude that I could help out my brother when he needed it. He thought I was just coming to bring him cookies, though he assured me it wasn't necessary.  I just told him I wanted to and that I was on my way.

When I got to his house I told him I needed help and had him come to my car.  He was like "how many cookies did you bring?," but as soon as he opened the door and saw all the groceries, it was totally worth the money and the drive. It was so neat; he was really appreciative and I could tell it meant a lot to him.

I don't write this to make myself look good. I just wanted to share this happy happy story of holiday cheer and goodwill. Later that night my brother texted me this

"I wanted to thank you for the food. It gave me an overwhelming sense of hope and made me feel like I was on the right path with tryin to tighten the belt and fix my finances. It really was quite touching."

I like listening to those nice impulses and doing something to help others out. I like when it really does help them and make a difference. Yeah!

Woops

So one day at work last week, I decided I would mop the floor of the bay where I perform most of my duties. I don't often mop the floor; in fact, I've only mopped it once since I started this job four months ago. But I had most of the things off the floor and it looked sooo dirty that I decided I needed to mop it.

And I did.

Afterwards I was feeling hasty and just wanted to leave, end of the day and all. So at first I thought I'd just chuck the mop in a corner and leave it there, all dirty like and such. Cause that's how I roll. But then, I thought, "no. be responsible. rinse out that mop!"

So I turned on the sink and started rinsing. And then, the brilliant thought- "soak the mop! Soak the mop in hot water overnight!"

To fulfill this plan, I stuck the plug in the sink and left it running to fill up while I gathered my things and got ready to leave. Yes, that's exactly what I did. I got my things and I left.

I ran some errands, came home, got some food, then got a text message from a co-worker. The subject line: Flood!!!

Oops! It almost looked like I was attempting to destroy my company by water. Luckily our neighbors happened to look in the door and see the water pouring out of the sink and flowing around the room. Normally I'm the only one to go back there, so it would have been a long time before anyone caught my little mistake.

Sorry Outback. I'm a ditz!

The happy part is no one even knew about it except the guy that called me, and when I voluntarily told everyone else about it, they all just laughed. This is probably due to the fact that no gear was ruined. Had I done any real damage it probably would have been a much different story.

Alls well that ends well :)

Honestly?!

okay so I love where i live, it would be perfect but for a few absurdities, but as they come when I am most vulnerable and prone to anger, I sometimes feel that I can't stay here another day.

these disturbances all involve something messing with my sleep. As previously mentioned, living above me is an excellent violin player. He/she can play beautiful, haunting music that almost sounds like a recording. I appreciate this talent and Mystery Person's desire to express it. But the only time I ever hear it played is between the ours of 4 and 6 AM. Honestly? The violin is one instrument that is always loud, no matter what you're playing. And the walls/floor separating aparmtents are not very thick.

typically I've noticed the violin will play only if I've been practicing my violin the day before, like somehow its payback for me playing at the ungodly hour of 5 or 6 PM. Or it happnes when I get to sleep in an hour or so. The rare days I don't have to get up at 6, then the violin wakes me up and sends me into a dort of furious, impotent frenzy as I consider how rude and inappropriate it is to play such an instrument at such an hour. I never do anything about it, but i think...

then there's the stomping. What do I know ? Maybe they're just walking around and its super loud; maybe our downstairs neighbors feel the same way about us, but truly i've wondered sometimes if they have wild animals up there.

When I first moved in, I would hear these weird, scraping sounds, and running, running back and forth, over and over, again not starting until around 11 PM and sometimes going until 3 or 4. The most disturbing part is my mind, wondering what they could possibly be doing, what could be going on. Why back and forth? Why so late? Why the jumping, as with last night, jumping and running-is someone gettin beat up there? Should I be concerned? Jumping? Acrobats, at one in the morning. Why?

Because today is the weekend, and I should be able to sleep in. What? Sleep in? Heavens no! We must stop that at all costs! It's like when I lived by BYU and the ROTC guys would run in the morning, run right past my window at 5 AM chanting loudly. Like this morning, when my exhausted stupor finally sent me to peaceful oblivion despite the upsets, some school by my house took matters into its own hands and a siren went off a little before 7. Went off, and kept going off, loudly. Maybe someone broke in. Should I call the cops? is htis dangerous? Why don't the cops come? Why doesn't the alarm go off?

One things for sure. Someone or something does not want me getting too much cleep here, and they're determined to see that through.

Its quiet now, but for how long?!!?

IRL Moments

November is an exciting month. This fall has been phenomenal and I feel like things are just getting better and better. Wait, no, I didn't mean to write that. Things have been good, and then the end of October took a bit of a dive, so I realized I needed to do some planning to better things and make November wonderful.

November is obviously a great time to reflect on blessings and think of all the great things in our lives. It's a time for service, for thinking of others and getting into that happy Christmas spirit of charity and love and forgiveness. So as I pondered how to make this month great, and how to stop being selfish and thinking about myself, I realized that I have a problem, one that maybe you can understand.

I live almost entirely in my head. I block out the present so often to think about the past or the future. I don't think everyone is as dysfunctional as I am; whenever I'm around the Lewis (Bate!) family I think "now here is a group of people who really know how to live, how to enjoy each moment and make the most of it." Maybe you disagree Liz, but I just feel like in general you guys are pretty good at being present and not getting stuck in your mind. That's how I want to be. And I feel that's one way of showing gratitude and appreciation for life-by loving it and experiencing it fully, whatever it is, not wishing for something else.

So as I pondered this, I remembered my IRL moment in Chicago. In Real Life. A truly life-defining moment when I stood in front of that little stage in that little club on Lincoln Avenue, watching Cloud Cult perform some of my all-time favorite music, and I felt alive. I felt present like I rarely do, experiencing my life to the fullest because it was so worth experiencing. And I wondered then why these moments are so rare, why so few things in my life warrant my full attention.


The things that do stick out to me, that bring me into my reality every time, include snowboarding, surfing, the first little while in Albania, when everything was so new and incredible and I tried to take it all in (mos Lizi, e di qe isha e frikesuar dhe e cmendur, dhe nuk isha vete veten, ne fillim, por edhe isha e zguar gjithemone...hmm. ose jo? ndoshte nuk punon kjo shembull), every Cloud Cult concert I've been to and especially shaking Craig's hand (oh my gosh!!! that still makes me a little giddy), watching sunsets and snow-tipped mountains, looking at the night sky, all things that bring me into myself  and the present.

One reason people like "dangerous" or intense activities, like sky diving, or snowboarding, or rock climbing, or what have you, are because these things force you to be aware, to be in your body and sensing the world around you, or you could die. Every near-out-of-control activity forces you to rely on instinct; mind wandering just doesn't work. Traveling I think is the same way; it gets you out of your bubble and your mindset and forces you to look at things differently, to observe people and places and customs, whether out of curiosity or survival, it doesn't matter. Your eyes are open. Connections with others, connections with earth, recquire an act or awareness in the present. Such wonderful moments. But so rare!

The thing is, every moment warrants my full attention. Every moment could be just as beautiful. I just need to learn how, learn how to see, live, breathe each moment, instead of escaping to some place I've created in my mind, to some projection of the future or some remembrance of the past. So this month is dedicated to IRL moments, to being present to experience not only my life, but also to be aware of others around me, and hopefully be more able to help them, to connect with them, to serve them.

So join me if you dare! Participate fully in life this month. And I'd love to hear about your own moments, love to hear what brings you to a sense of awareness and being you don't normally experience. New babies? New hobbies? New loves? Lets be grounded to life by the sheer awesomeness of each minute, each opportunity to live and love and share.

Happy November!