Violated

So a funny thing happened the other day. It occurred about a week ago, and I've been meaning to write about the incident ever since but haven't had the time. Don't be fooled by my casual attitude, or my flippant description of this as something "funny"; what I really mean to say is that something horrific happened to me and I need to document it, for future....something.

Alright, here it is. I was reading meters for my job, which entails going from house to house, entering private yards, side yards, back yards, all sorts of yards, in order to read the electrical meter located somewhere on the premise. Well, as most of you can probably imagine, many people own dogs, and often those dogs are found outside. I've had a lot of experience with dogs in the last year. Some are mean, some are friendly, some take a little winning over but then they let you in, some are barkers but they won't actually act, some are hidden in a yard that you think is safe, and then they come careening around the corner, promising in their growl and gait to do you in, at which point you're forced to high-tail it out of the gate before you're leg is ripped off (the last one happened to me today-scary!)

I have been bit once. Almost killed a couple of times. Deterred from reading a meter on numerous occasions. But once, and-I hope-only once, something much more dastardly went down.

So there I was, approaching a waist-high fence, when I heard a dog inside. As I made noise to warn said dog of my presence, the largest brown dog head I've ever seen popped above the gate and made noises at me. I don't think it barked-it seemed like a nice dog. But I'm talking massive! Like, its head was twice as thick as mine. It was, I think, the biggest dog I've ever seen, and I've seen some big dogs. Maybe the horse dog in Seattle was bigger, but other than that. Anyway, so I'm testing this dog out, offering my hand for it to sniff, and to gauge whether it will bite off my hand in one go, or just sniff and lick it. It sniffed and licked, and then began jumping to show me that it was happy to see me and ready to play.

I mean really happy to see me.

So I went in. Even excitable, big dogs I can usually contain long enough to get in, get the read, and get out. So I squeezed in the gate, careful not to let it out, and prepared to play with the dog a little, or at least command it to get down if it tried to jump on me. What I was not prepared for, however, was the left hook to my eye. Kapow! Not even a warning, just a BAM, and you're out! I was blinded for a second, scratched and wondering if I'd get a black eye, but still able to get back in the game and ready to get this dog under control. Sadly, in the intervening moments while I recovered myself, this dog had taken advantage of my lack of poise and was, in essence, all over me. This was no gentleman dog, either. He was having a good time, and I realized very quickly that I didn't have control over the situation. It was at that moment that I decided to flee, and turned to lunge at the gate. I'd only made it about two feet in, but I wasn't sure I could make it out again, until my hand brushed the gate....I was going to escape! And then-

He pulled my pants off! He freaking pulled down my pants. I was wearing sweats that day, on slick-type underwear that easily facilitated the de-pancing. I was so embarrassed, and worried, and kind of in shock and disbelief. I tried to fend the dog off with my computer-thing, while pulling up my pants and throwing open the gate with the other, finally escaping through it while yelling "rape!" It was incredible. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I got out. I've never felt so violated.

For those of you die-hard work-a-holics, I did get the read. Luckily the owner came out while I was wandering around in a daze, and I told him that while his dog was-heh heh-"friendly"-I needed him to restrain it while I went in. The most disturbing part is that I felt the man was laughing slightly, and I'm kind of wondering if he saw the whole incident. Or perhaps trains his dog to attack unsuspecting trespassers? I don't know, but I didn't like it.