True Love (Banjo Style)

This is a project I did for a Humanities class my freshman year, written 10/17/2000. We had to take the balcony scene of Romeo and Juliet and re-write it in a different setting. I think my setting is somewhat predictive of my future aspirations. Or at least of the secret love I have of the banjo :)

Setting: A deserted banjo shop at night. Jim Bob had entered the store earlier that day and instantly fallen in love with the sight of Banita, a beautiful banjo. Desperate to see his sweet love again, he sneaked into the banjo shop after the owners had locked it up and sought out his forbidden love.

Banita: Twang!

Jim Bob: Why, I recognize that beautiful music! Let me hear it again, sweet darlin': the sound is like the very angels of heaven singing praises to God Almighty. I can pract'ly see them feathery bein's just a soarin' overhead with each twang of your glorious strings!

Banita: Twang! Oh Jim Bobby-why ain't you a banjo like me? If you'd only throw out the stuff that makes you a man, not a banjo, we'd be so happy. Else, I'll say I'm no banjo an' act s'though I'm a...a...lady. Twang!

Jim Bobby: Well I'll be! Listen to that! Do I sit on my haunches and listen to s'more or do I grab my banjo now, I say?

Banita: Twang twang twang! It's only because you're a human that things won't work out. You've got the soul of a banjo, and it don't matter none what you look like, it's what's on the inside that counts. The strings and body, why, they don't matter a'tall. An' sure, that funny frame of yourn does look unusual, but there's something about that round head and long body, with it's arms and legs pokin' out of it..something so...human...why, you're just irresistible! Jus' say you're a banjo and we'll hie to the chapel an' get hitched straighway. Twang.

Jim Bob: Sweet Banita, I'll say whatsoever you please an' do what cha want, s'long as you say you'll have me.

Banita: Twang! How's that? Who are you-what are you doing here? Twang twang!

Jim Bob: Why, who am I, darlin'? Weren't it me you was just harpin' for? I t'won't say who I am e-zactly, meaning of course my name, cause I'm not jus' sure what you want me t'say. Let me know, little stringy, an' I'll say it just as you please.

Banita: Twang! Though I only jus' met you today, I'd know your voice a green mile away. But say, aren't you a human, here in this banjo shop? Twang?

Jim Bob: Not if you say I ain't.

Banita: Twang. But however did you get in? The shop's all locked up for the night and there's no one here to let you in. Why, what're you doin', breakin' and enterin'? You could go to jail if anyone catches you here! TWANG!

Jim Bob: Are you kiddin' me? I got in jus' the same as Robert E. Lee got into that battle-ya know the one, where he beat up all them bad guys? 'Cept, I used all the strat'gy and stealth of love, if you follow me, when he jus' used his brain, an' no love to goad him. Leastaways, that's what I'd figger. But as I was sayin', locked doors an' alarms ain't gonna stop me nohow, 'cause my love is stronger than a real tough root that goes miles down and jus' won't come up, an' my feelings for you, little plucky, are so good's to slip right through a locked door, sorter like the mice slip through our traps every year, so to speak.

Banita: Twang twang. Don't ya know that if they were t'catch you, it'd be off to the jailhouse with you? Twang?!

Jim Bob: Why, you're more dangrous to me than any officer of the l-a-w. B'sides, that sweet sound of yourn'll block out any noise I make and keep me perfectly safe, bless you.

Banita: Twang! I'm just so worried! I don't want them to catch you here! Twang.

Jim Bob: You've jus' gotta calm yourself right down! Don't be afeared for me-I'm covered in the farms darkest mud, just like a soldier in the milit'ry, and you know no one never spies them when they don't wanna be spied. That's all just a way of speakin' though, I'm not really covered in mud. Anyhow, it don't matter none if they do see me, either, if you'll only jus' say you love me. Then I say-shucks if they spy me here with ya! I'd ruther they up and killed me-that's right, shot me dead!-then my clock go on a'ticking without your sweet twangin' t'keep me comp'ny.

Banita: Twang? Oh Jim Bobby, how'd you ever find this banjo shop anyway? Twang.

Jim Bobby: 'Twas my on-going love of ta banjo that first set me a'looking for a banjo shop, an' though I ain't never been outside my own great state, nor even to speak of my nation-that of the US of A, as it were, and known' my great and abidin' fear of travelin' and of water-not ordinary drinking water like we have at t'farm, mind you, I'm talkin' 'bout them great big accum'lations of water; yep, even the great blue sea yonder-why, what were I sayin'? Oh yeah, my fear of travelin' and water-the lot of water all together like-and my fear of them foreign parts and their diplomats and funny ways, not even denyin' the fact that the people ther're so strange and talk only gibberish not even a fool could understand (I'm talkin' 'bout overseas now, see?) Anyhoo, what with all this, I'd a still left my home turf, sailed over the seven seas, and even set foot upon those places with the crazies shoutin' gibberish, for one music store such as this primo place, in especial to find one such banjo jus' as yourself-a most wondrous piece of mer-chan-dise as I ever seen. (Course, that is supposin' I knew aforehand you'd be there, sweet stringy, else what should I go all the way over the ocean and all for, just to find nothin' there...

The End