Why I love my dad

This is the conversation I just had with my pops through text.

Dad: "sup with ur computer yo?"

Me: "Yo foo nothings up i figured it out. Peace homey. Sup with work?"

Dad: "busy day yo. all this hatein."

Me: "Poo man. Poo. Sorry for the hate all i got fo you is love"

Dad: "back atcha home girl"

need I say more?

Sun Valley with Smalls

Last weekend I went to Sun Valley for the very first time to visit Smallcomb in her new place of residence. It was wonderful, and she really likes it there. We had relaxing night of catching up and eating dinner on Friday. Then saturday, we had somje delicious yogurt for breakfast. I apparently had some strong feelings towards this yogurt, but as you can see here, the end emotion was definitely pure joy and love.


This is the lovely combo brought about by Smalls' wonderful red pants and the green volunteer jacket she had to wear. Very stylish.


Yes, that is baldy in the background. After volunteering for a couple hours helping kids on the small mountain, we got to head over to this beaut for a bit. It was amazing. Top at eleven!



I'm not exactly sure why, but smalls and I now have this thing where we have to jump in freezing, snowy rivers. We've done it before, so its not that its new. Its just that this time, I went up there knowing she wanted to jump in this river. And knowing that I didn't want to. But off we went on our icy trek through the snow.



What were we thinking?!!! I know I was thinking-I don't wanna!


But I did. We didn't have our chacos, so we just wore socks in for the dip, then took them off and wore our boots on the trek back home. So the water was freezing, and ridiculously shallow, which makes this so much more complicated (I hit my head on the bottom!), but I am amazed at how not bad I felt right after. There was a panic to get our clothes back on, but then I was really pretty warm, and we felt fine enough to snap a couple photos, chat with Smalls' neighbor...really there's no feeling like it in the world. The tingle. ahh. I'm glad we did it.




Then a lovely tour of the city. We went into this quaint bookstore Sarah had wanted to see. bought two books and learned about some yoga fest going on in a couple months.


This is a tavern Smalls is familiar with. Looks just like her kind of place


She shrunk! Oh man, did we ever feel like tourists.


Made some new friends...


Check out the old lifts! They actually used to look like this, except they were right down on the run, in everyone's way. The first chair lift was used in Sun valley!



A great weekend, and I hope I get to go back soon. Thanks Smalls!

My new home

For the first time in my adult life, I have my own room. And it was completely unfurnished to begin with, so I've had to acquire a lot of furniture. I acquired much of it from my parents, like this bookshelf. But, to make it my own, I decided to paint it. My mom helped me sand and paint this guy.



Then my parents helped me get a new bed! It's huge!!!! And oh my gosh, so comfortable.




Tuga!


I needed a nightstand, and ended up getting another little shelf from Wal-mart, cause I have so much stuff. But I had to put it together myself! Armed with my trusty junior mints, I finished the task, though it took me longer than I anticipated. Side note, junior mints have made some delightful candies shaped like hearts with red filling, and I highly recommend them. Like, ten times better than the normal candy (though some might argue that they taste the same...)






Ah, home sweet home :)

Things Guys Have Given Me

I was laying in bed last night,...lying? I hate that whole lay/lie confusion. anyway, as I was saying, Last night as I lie in bed, trying to fall asleep, my mind began thinking of the presents I have received from guys. I don't know where this came from, but I thought it would be interesting. So I'll try to keep it in chronological order, and just see what happens.

Ah, its hard when I was young. I'm gonna insist that Kris Lightfoot gave me something. Wouldn't he have? He loved me! If only I'd been ready in kindergarten...I can't remember anything though.

Some fake diamond bracelet thing in 4th grade. Meant we were "going out". I wanted to break up with him shortly after he gave it to me, but then I didn't want to cause I didn't want to give the bracelet back. Funny thing is I don't even like jewelry. Maybe this experience is why. Too much pressure attached.

Oh, some hair things and I think one of those clips you used to put your shirt in, you know, to make it higher or tighter or something. Oh the 80's. Yeah, pretty sure they were stolen from my best friend Julie; her brother gave them to me. Thanks Julie.

hmm. Looking pretty bleak really. In high school I got a lot of candy from this boy. Couple of boys, they did those candy bar poster things. And food, obviously, my life has been full of free date food. That's a great gift, by the by.

A podium. And a plastic dinosaur toy. Good guy there.

A blight on my driving record and a broken heart. Not sure the ticket was his fault, but the heart was.

A rose. That was nice. If only he didn't try to kiss me too!

A flower. Itunes gift card. A keychain "rod of iron" with the words "to hold the key to my heart". Another broken heart, and a hefty dose of emotional baggage.

Two creepy CD's.

A knife sharpener and a bag of bones.

A box of pancake mix. Wind chimes made from spoons. Another broken heart.

A compass necklace and a cool CD. (If only he'd marry me! ;)
Clarification needed here. These are from a very cool guy, and I in now way wanted to sound sarcastic with that comment. I was referring to a semi-inside joke. And then as I thought, I remembered other things he has given me. Like my only serenade. And playdough. Awesome.

That's all I can think of right now. Obviously not including family or anything. If you ever need gift ideas, I think this is the ideal place to look. Lotta winners in here.

Posty posty

If you are looking for something profound, look away now. ramblings, that's what this is.

My uncle died. It was very sad and touching all at once. How could I forget? We gathered in Montpelier for the funeral, and they honored him with a 5 gun salute at the cemetery. He got the respect in death that he deserved but didn't get in life. He may have been the only person close to me who died, but now I feel bad and if I remember someone else, I'll have to update. How morbid.

Right before Christmas I thought I was getting a ticket. I was going 40 in a 25, unintentionally, and when I realized it I slowed down, but the cop realized it at the same time and it was too late. He pulled me over, took my licence, and came back about two minutes later with a candy cane. It said "Merry Christmas" from the Provo Police. The policeman just told me to slow down. A Christmas Miracle!

While moving out of Stonebridge and into my new cush place in Orem, I backed my car lightly into another car. It was dark so I couldn't see what happened, but I felt the bumper and it seemed I had scratched it a little. I was sad, but decided to write a note, when I left. I stayed a while visiting with Jess, and as I was leaving, from a different parking spot away from the hit car, I thought...What if I just forgot to put the note on? Innocent enough. Except it can't be innocent if you're planning on forgetting. And I have this New Year goal (not written down anywhere, of course, but in my head) that I need to start doing what I should, and not doing what I shouldn't. That is impossible, but I mean, when I think "I should do this" I want to do it. When I think "I shouldn't do this" I want to not do it. So, as I thought about how I should leave my number, I realized I had to do it.

I did. And they never called! Another miracle!

Last night after I prayed, I thought, I need to wait and listen. I used to be much better at that. So I did. And the only thing I thought was that my mom was in trouble and I needed to call her. The next day (today). I wondered...should I just call her now? But it was after eleven, and then I felt very firmly to call her at eleven AM today. Over and over in my head, call her at eleven. So I did. Exactly eleven. And she had gone to breakfast over at a friend's house.

So not sure about that one. I talked to my dad, and told him how I felt I should call her, so she called me later and we talked, and it was nice, but I don't know why important. I guess sometimes I just don't know. But I do want to follow promptings and thoughts more, even if I don't know why.

I've been feeling like writing. As in, I want to write and publish something. This is absurd, and I thought this dream had died in junior high when I re-read all my stories and realized how horrible they were. But its coming back, and I am now reading junior high kid books to get ideas. In doing so, I found these books I'm really enjoying. They're about Alice, by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor. The first is called the Agony of Alice. They're like 150 pages long, little snippets of nothing important, but they've brought back all the confusion and angst of junior high in such a humorous way, I'm really enjoying getting in touch my memories of little Shena, and all the trauma that happens at that age.

I watched Reality Bites yesterday. I realized that my favorite line to quote: "Don't bogart that can, man" is actually from this movie and not Dazed and Confused like I thought. I also realized that this movie has shaped me far more than I realized. I know I watched it when I was young. I actually thought it was rated R but have found out it is not. I couldn't remember anything about it except for the big gulps. But as I watched it, it all came back, and I realized how profoundly it affected me when I was young. I also realized that 90's clothes were hideous, that Ethan Hawke is incredibly sexy, and that I will probably never root for the good guy over the passionate bad guy. The whole movie I was saying "what a jerk! That guy is a jerk" and wanting him with me all the while. hmmm.

I have bought many things recently. I have my own bed, though my parents bought that. I bought sheets, a blanket, a comforter, a nightstand, a toothbrush holder, toiletbowl cleaner holder, bathroom mat, shower curtain, turtle heater, and probably many other things. All with absolutely no money in my bank account. hee. I feel like a grown-up, and like an idiot. I love my stuff, and then I'm overwhelmed with this sense of greed and suffocation. I have this vision of myself, traveling around, volunteering in foreign countries. I'm giving myself a couple years to get married, and get some skills, and then I figure that will be my life. But then I look at my stuff and think "I can no longer be a vagabond." I mean, I can't just pack up and leave. I have no flexibility, no freedom. I'm weighed down by these materialistic things, these things that have no meaning, that take away resources I could use to help others with so much less than me. I'm living this double life, I have been since I started eating candy bars again years ago, and I just don't know which side of me is going to win out. Or which side I want to. But I gotta start living a life I can respect, and I'm not sure this is taking me there.

I wish I had something great to reward those who have read to the end. I think I have not though. How do ya like me now? :)

2009 in review...or I don't want to go to work :)

What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Took the GRE. Started Grad School. Rode in a hot air balloon. Made a movie. Bought a banjo.


Did you keep your new years' resolutions?
No way. Not even sure I made any.


What are some of your resolutions for 2010?
Given previous results, I didn't make any. I do want to be more dedicated to serving. I want to say yes more. And I have a new theme for people "Awesome until proven otherwise". I seem to go the other way around normally.


Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes


Did anyone close to you die?
hmmm. That is something I should know. I feel like no.


What countries did you visit?
Seattle?


What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
True joy and zest for life


What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Does it count if I have to consult my calendar? I feel like that's not etched. Lets go with September 27 because I made some pretty hefty realizations then. ah wait hold up. March 21.


What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Moving out of Provo. Ha! Not far but shoot, its a step. The 10K in zion was pretty cool too.


What was your biggest failure?
Same failure over and over again. and letting my family down.


Did you suffer illness or injury?
This year, not really. Honestly I'm not sure I've been sick at all....well I guess a little. Oh wait, I had quite a few injuries. hehe. The arm incident in February from snowboarding. The leg problem after the 10K. Now the psyiatic (sp?) nerve thing goin on. hmmm.


What was the best thing you bought?
I would say the banjo but I never play it. New strings for my guitar-they make such a difference! ack! I forget when everything happened! Eva, of course, was my best purchase of the year. And some sweet snowboarding gloves to go with her.


Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mine.


Where did most of your money go?
oh jeez who knows? Recently to my new room, to food, to musical instruments and snowboarding gear, to my car-brakes, tires, he's suckin me dry!


What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Cloud cult. Visiting Derek. The American River and the realization that CA is still my home. My banjo. Snowboarding. A joint friend blog that has gone nowhere. Traveling that hasn't happened.


What song will always remind you of 2009?
ahh. Got a bunch of our snowboarding songs...Grounds for Divorce, Just Dance, If I had a Million Dollars, Survivor, These Old Shoes, Furr, Take Your Medicine and everything else by Cloud Cult, hard to say.


Compared to this time last year, are you: much happier, richer, nicer?
Definetly happier. Not at all richer. So much poorer. Maybe nicer, I think the extreme anger is dying out a little.


What do you wish you'd done more of?
Made more music. Travelled more. Tried new things. Drank more water. Given in to the moment.


What do you wish you'd done less of?
Gone pyscho over the same cycle of fear, depression, sadness, panic, desperation, and frustration. Yelled at drivers. Complaining and talking about myself.


How did you spend Christmas?
Being mean to my family in Idaho. Rock band, movies, sitting around in agony.


Did you fall in love in 2009?
nah


What was your favorite TV program?
Don't have a TV. I enjoyed a couple new programs I saw over Christmas...forget what they're called though.


What was the best book you read this year?
hmm. As much as I like to read, I don't feel I read a lot of new books. I read To Kill A Mockingbird, and it has and will always be one of my favorites. I enjoyed Anatomy of Peace. And my pyschology textbook was actually very interesting to me.


What did you want and get?
Snowboard, banjo, bed, friends, pj pants, hope


What were your favorite films of this year?
These are things I will never remember for the whole year. I'm not even going to spend the time.


What were your least favorite films of this year?
same


What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
27. I went on a hot air balloon ride a couple days before. Then I went to Moab with my family and two of my best friends and we rode bikes, jeeped, and wandered the fair.


What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Don't know


How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
wha? fashion...?
of course, the hair was a fahsion statement. Basically, try out every color possible and never stop changing!


What kept you sane?
Friends. The only way. And solitary walks in the wild. Running and exercising helped. Family that always is there for me. God.


Who did you miss?
Who didnt I miss? What a weird question.


Who was the best new person (people) you met?
Maybe Emily from work. I really like her.


Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
People matter, things don't. If it didn't work, it shouldn't work. Life is beautiful and should be treated as such. God is always there for you, even if maybe He shouldn't be.


What are you most excited for in 2010?
Getting a better job and making more money. Making more music. Seeing Cloud Cult live and visiting friends who are far away. Having my own room. Seeing more of life.


What are you least excited for in 2010?
my mistakes. failures. the people I'll hurt and offend. the anger and bitterness I'll feel. Fear.