My Less Perfect Night

Well, before describing how tonight is, lets consider what I'd like it to be that it isn't.  I think my perfect night would be curling up in my huge, comfortable bed, and drifting off to sleep with pleasant thoughts of puppies or turtle snowflakes, or some other such wonderful happiness.

To be fair, this scene is played out on many nights, though its usually more that I pass out from exhaustion in my huge, comfortable bed. But that is really quite pleasant.

Tonight though, is one of those inexplicably sleepless nights. My mom is sleeping in my bed, and as I lay there trying to sleep next to her, I realized I may never be comfortable with someone else in my bed. I'd like to think that's not true, but typically my sleepless nights are when others stay the night with me.

Or perhaps its the rather large amount of caffeine in my system that keeps my mind and heart racing as I lay there, attempting to empty all thoughts. A lot happened today. I had work, with several awkward encounters with coworkers, an unexpected trip to D.I. looking for ugly sweaters for me and a therapist at my work, and our work party, where I wore said sweater all night, hot, uncomfortable, girl sized red sweater with kittens on it. I also made several blunders at this social event, as is my want, and maybe i'm thinking about that?

I think not though. I had several neat talks with people, pretty much enjoyed myself, and don't really care not being the coolest cat at the party. I have made some work-related mistakes involving finances, and that always freaks me out. But none of these things are really on my mind. My mind just won't slow down.

So now I'm out on my short couch, keeping my turtle up so she's splashing around in her dirty nasty tank I need to clean, wondering what I can do that will put me to sleep. I need sleep. I love it. And it loves me.

by the by, i bought a swimming pool for my turtle. pics to come when its all set up and ready :)

My Perfect Day

For the first time in a long time, I did not have to work on Saturday, or do anything else that I did not want to do. No commitments, no agenda. So I lay in bed Friday night and tried to decide how I would spend my precious day. What I came up with wasn't too exciting, but then it made me think about what I would do if I could do anything at all, if I had a whole day to use just as I pleased-how would I please? This is what I came up with:

I envisioned waking up early, so I didn't feel like I'd wasted any part of the day, but feeling refreshed and invigorated. I'd walk outside on my deck in the woods, smell the crisp, fresh air, feel a light breeze on my skin, hear birds chirping. I'd do yoga out there, surrounded by the sounds and the smells and the peace.

Then I'd visit with some good friends. Maybe we'd go for a walk through the trees, or make some kind of delicious food, or just sit outside and chat and laugh.

I would need to go for a walk or a run or something, some way to spend time outside and get centered, away from sidewalks and roads and cars and city noises. This made me realize I must be feeling cooped up in the city and needing to get out in nature more right now, because every happy thought I had involved nature.

I also think I'm feeling overworked, because I just saw me having a chill day, not high energy or anything. I wondered if my day would involve snowboarding or surfing, or even just some time at the beach, because these are things I love, but they all take so much time and effort, sapping your enegery, so right now they didn't make it to my perfect day. Although I think a trip out on a sailboat or out on the ocean would definitely be appropriate.

Then there would be a music session. Alone or with a group of people, I just want time to play, without feeling rushed or forced. Or time to write, to sit and ponder and reflect. To write the great novel I will someday publish...Some creative expression without distractions.

A run at dusk as the sun is setting and the world calms down. And then dinner and a night with the man I love. Yep, that would be awesome. If I could only find him.

So now I know what I want, how do I create this life for myself? I'm working on it.

And I believe it is located in the redwoods. Should I move there?

Secret Santa...at Thanksgiving

Last week my brother posted something on facebook about how he was out of money and  couldn't eat because of it. My brother often has money problems, and I have never felt obligated to get involved. I feel like a lot of my family's problems with money stem from my parents lack of ability to not bail out their children when things get tight.

So anyway, when I first read about his troubles, I determined not to mind and trust that he'd be okay for a few days. Then there was some conversation on his facebook; some girl told him to get top ramen, he mentioned that he liked top ramen but couldn't afford it. This was too much.

Failing to get into all the reasons why this is absurd, and all the misuses of money that led to this scenario, my sister sense could not let such a situation continue. It wasn't until he texted me that night though, just mentioning how excited he was for Thanksgiving and having cookies and such that I knew I had to act. I determined then and there I would make him some cookies and drive them up to him.

While not entirely convenient, this plan seemed illuminated from above as the only thing to do, and the more I thought about it, the more excited I got. I would make him cookies and biscuits!! And why not get him some ramen too? I can afford it, right now at least. And why stop at ramen? How many cheap, easy meals could I acquire for my baby brother?

I went to Macey's and loaded up on all the macaroni, ravioli, spaghetti, ramen, tortillas, frozen pizzas, and whatever else i could think of that he would eat, all the while with this warm little glow inside of me, this giddiness as I imagnied his response. I felt like Harry Potter when he takes that lucky potion stuff. Just happy, and like it was right.

I drove up to Salt Lake with a car full of food and cookies, and a heart full of gratitude that I could help out my brother when he needed it. He thought I was just coming to bring him cookies, though he assured me it wasn't necessary.  I just told him I wanted to and that I was on my way.

When I got to his house I told him I needed help and had him come to my car.  He was like "how many cookies did you bring?," but as soon as he opened the door and saw all the groceries, it was totally worth the money and the drive. It was so neat; he was really appreciative and I could tell it meant a lot to him.

I don't write this to make myself look good. I just wanted to share this happy happy story of holiday cheer and goodwill. Later that night my brother texted me this

"I wanted to thank you for the food. It gave me an overwhelming sense of hope and made me feel like I was on the right path with tryin to tighten the belt and fix my finances. It really was quite touching."

I like listening to those nice impulses and doing something to help others out. I like when it really does help them and make a difference. Yeah!

Woops

So one day at work last week, I decided I would mop the floor of the bay where I perform most of my duties. I don't often mop the floor; in fact, I've only mopped it once since I started this job four months ago. But I had most of the things off the floor and it looked sooo dirty that I decided I needed to mop it.

And I did.

Afterwards I was feeling hasty and just wanted to leave, end of the day and all. So at first I thought I'd just chuck the mop in a corner and leave it there, all dirty like and such. Cause that's how I roll. But then, I thought, "no. be responsible. rinse out that mop!"

So I turned on the sink and started rinsing. And then, the brilliant thought- "soak the mop! Soak the mop in hot water overnight!"

To fulfill this plan, I stuck the plug in the sink and left it running to fill up while I gathered my things and got ready to leave. Yes, that's exactly what I did. I got my things and I left.

I ran some errands, came home, got some food, then got a text message from a co-worker. The subject line: Flood!!!

Oops! It almost looked like I was attempting to destroy my company by water. Luckily our neighbors happened to look in the door and see the water pouring out of the sink and flowing around the room. Normally I'm the only one to go back there, so it would have been a long time before anyone caught my little mistake.

Sorry Outback. I'm a ditz!

The happy part is no one even knew about it except the guy that called me, and when I voluntarily told everyone else about it, they all just laughed. This is probably due to the fact that no gear was ruined. Had I done any real damage it probably would have been a much different story.

Alls well that ends well :)

Honestly?!

okay so I love where i live, it would be perfect but for a few absurdities, but as they come when I am most vulnerable and prone to anger, I sometimes feel that I can't stay here another day.

these disturbances all involve something messing with my sleep. As previously mentioned, living above me is an excellent violin player. He/she can play beautiful, haunting music that almost sounds like a recording. I appreciate this talent and Mystery Person's desire to express it. But the only time I ever hear it played is between the ours of 4 and 6 AM. Honestly? The violin is one instrument that is always loud, no matter what you're playing. And the walls/floor separating aparmtents are not very thick.

typically I've noticed the violin will play only if I've been practicing my violin the day before, like somehow its payback for me playing at the ungodly hour of 5 or 6 PM. Or it happnes when I get to sleep in an hour or so. The rare days I don't have to get up at 6, then the violin wakes me up and sends me into a dort of furious, impotent frenzy as I consider how rude and inappropriate it is to play such an instrument at such an hour. I never do anything about it, but i think...

then there's the stomping. What do I know ? Maybe they're just walking around and its super loud; maybe our downstairs neighbors feel the same way about us, but truly i've wondered sometimes if they have wild animals up there.

When I first moved in, I would hear these weird, scraping sounds, and running, running back and forth, over and over, again not starting until around 11 PM and sometimes going until 3 or 4. The most disturbing part is my mind, wondering what they could possibly be doing, what could be going on. Why back and forth? Why so late? Why the jumping, as with last night, jumping and running-is someone gettin beat up there? Should I be concerned? Jumping? Acrobats, at one in the morning. Why?

Because today is the weekend, and I should be able to sleep in. What? Sleep in? Heavens no! We must stop that at all costs! It's like when I lived by BYU and the ROTC guys would run in the morning, run right past my window at 5 AM chanting loudly. Like this morning, when my exhausted stupor finally sent me to peaceful oblivion despite the upsets, some school by my house took matters into its own hands and a siren went off a little before 7. Went off, and kept going off, loudly. Maybe someone broke in. Should I call the cops? is htis dangerous? Why don't the cops come? Why doesn't the alarm go off?

One things for sure. Someone or something does not want me getting too much cleep here, and they're determined to see that through.

Its quiet now, but for how long?!!?

IRL Moments

November is an exciting month. This fall has been phenomenal and I feel like things are just getting better and better. Wait, no, I didn't mean to write that. Things have been good, and then the end of October took a bit of a dive, so I realized I needed to do some planning to better things and make November wonderful.

November is obviously a great time to reflect on blessings and think of all the great things in our lives. It's a time for service, for thinking of others and getting into that happy Christmas spirit of charity and love and forgiveness. So as I pondered how to make this month great, and how to stop being selfish and thinking about myself, I realized that I have a problem, one that maybe you can understand.

I live almost entirely in my head. I block out the present so often to think about the past or the future. I don't think everyone is as dysfunctional as I am; whenever I'm around the Lewis (Bate!) family I think "now here is a group of people who really know how to live, how to enjoy each moment and make the most of it." Maybe you disagree Liz, but I just feel like in general you guys are pretty good at being present and not getting stuck in your mind. That's how I want to be. And I feel that's one way of showing gratitude and appreciation for life-by loving it and experiencing it fully, whatever it is, not wishing for something else.

So as I pondered this, I remembered my IRL moment in Chicago. In Real Life. A truly life-defining moment when I stood in front of that little stage in that little club on Lincoln Avenue, watching Cloud Cult perform some of my all-time favorite music, and I felt alive. I felt present like I rarely do, experiencing my life to the fullest because it was so worth experiencing. And I wondered then why these moments are so rare, why so few things in my life warrant my full attention.


The things that do stick out to me, that bring me into my reality every time, include snowboarding, surfing, the first little while in Albania, when everything was so new and incredible and I tried to take it all in (mos Lizi, e di qe isha e frikesuar dhe e cmendur, dhe nuk isha vete veten, ne fillim, por edhe isha e zguar gjithemone...hmm. ose jo? ndoshte nuk punon kjo shembull), every Cloud Cult concert I've been to and especially shaking Craig's hand (oh my gosh!!! that still makes me a little giddy), watching sunsets and snow-tipped mountains, looking at the night sky, all things that bring me into myself  and the present.

One reason people like "dangerous" or intense activities, like sky diving, or snowboarding, or rock climbing, or what have you, are because these things force you to be aware, to be in your body and sensing the world around you, or you could die. Every near-out-of-control activity forces you to rely on instinct; mind wandering just doesn't work. Traveling I think is the same way; it gets you out of your bubble and your mindset and forces you to look at things differently, to observe people and places and customs, whether out of curiosity or survival, it doesn't matter. Your eyes are open. Connections with others, connections with earth, recquire an act or awareness in the present. Such wonderful moments. But so rare!

The thing is, every moment warrants my full attention. Every moment could be just as beautiful. I just need to learn how, learn how to see, live, breathe each moment, instead of escaping to some place I've created in my mind, to some projection of the future or some remembrance of the past. So this month is dedicated to IRL moments, to being present to experience not only my life, but also to be aware of others around me, and hopefully be more able to help them, to connect with them, to serve them.

So join me if you dare! Participate fully in life this month. And I'd love to hear about your own moments, love to hear what brings you to a sense of awareness and being you don't normally experience. New babies? New hobbies? New loves? Lets be grounded to life by the sheer awesomeness of each minute, each opportunity to live and love and share.

Happy November!

What Do You See?

So I realized something today as I came home from a run. I was walking to cool down a bit, and noticed a sign for a restaurant. I couldn't even tell you how many times I've seen this sign; I live across the street from it now, and I've driven past it countless times during my ten year stint in Provo. But I don't think I've ever really seen it before today.

I don't see things. I see what the things mean. What that sign means to me is that there's a red lobster very close. (Your red lobster julie!) But what about the sign itself? What is it made of? How long has it been there? How sturdy is it, how long will it be there in the future? Is it a big sign or small one? If I just stop and think about it from memory, from one of the many times I've passed that sign, I would not be able to answer any of those questions. I just don't pay attention to details. Should I? Do you?

There are so many things around us that just become part of the background. Tonight I sat by an empty parking lot, writing silly things under the moonlight, and then I looked up and saw all these poles all over this deserted parking lot. Poles. What were they for? How tall were they? How many? Just little things that I'm sure I've never even observed before, never had any conscious thought about. It's weird. How much of our surroundings, how much of our world, just gets regulated to the background?

I know that's a part of what keeps us running, being able to tune out stimuli that are not impacting us or important to us, or else we'd be overwhelmed by the myriad of movements and details all around us. But I think sometimes it's neat to stop and look around, and truly see that tree over there, or that person riding past on a bike. A real person, who is connected to me forever from that one moment that we shared in space and time. hmm.

Time

Time since...
~I last ate meat = 2 months 17 days

~I last saw Cloud Cult live = One month (too long!)

~I went camping for real = I don't even know the last time!!!! That's horrible. Way too long.

 ~I got the PT Cruiser last time = 2 years and a month

~I went snowboarding = 6 months

~I last dyed my hair = 6 months

~I got my scooter = 2 1/2 months

~Time till i can't ride him anymore = I don't want to think about it!!!

~I first stepped on Albanian soil = 6 years. Six years people, geez!

~I last did Joannie Greggins = No idea, but Karen, who somehow ended up with the video tape, just sent it to me thinking it was mine and she had stolen it from me. Want it back Julie?

~I got my very own bed and private room = 10 months. And I love it. The bed especially.

~I graduated from college = 2 years 6 months

~I graduated from high school = ahhh, 10 years. :(

~I dropped out of Grad School = 6 months

~I started contemplating this tatoo = 4 months. Rather than scolding me for this one, lets celebrate my show of restraint in not just impulsively getting it done, as I so often did with my hair. That said, pretty sure it's going to happen.

~I last saw Dan = don't even know. Are you interested in soup in pumpkin bread bowls? cause i want to see you and i'd make such a thing for you (and friends?) if it would make you hang out with me. (or maybe i'm just trying to get you to comment on my blog. do you still read this?)

~I went to a hockey game = Almost a year? Was halloween the last one I went to? whew, fix that soon.

~I became the Field Administrative Assistant at Outback = 3 months

~I saw my older brother = almost a year. Last Thanksgiving. that's sad.

This post is sad. For some reason I thought it was fun at first. Now I think it's just lame. ah well. here ya go!        

Ode to Dusk

Oh Dusk, thou art so fair
The lovely gleam upon thy hair
Thy precious sky makes me stare
And yearn thy loveliness to share...

Okay so this isn't really that kind of ode. I just realized, driving home tonight as the shadows lengthened and the sky turned a deeper shade of blue, that dusk is my favorite time of day.

I've had this thought before. I think it when I see outlines of mountains, stark guardians standing out solidly against the rest of the hazy world, their forms gaining strength as others blur, colorless and firm.

I've thought it watching sunsets light the sky on fire with brilliant orange and red clouds fanning out from the setting sun.

I've thought it listening to the night sounds, the noises of the world growing quiet while crickets and birds sing their last songs for the day.

But tonight was different. Tonight I realized the real power of dusk. It is in this time as in no other time that I can be completely, unreservedly, myself. There is some magic power that unites my soul to my body, and all images or frustrations or concerns just sort of melt away till all that is left is my bare, rejoicing spirit.

 I spent eight hours today working with a person I do not particularly enjoy being around. I was impatient and silently sarcastic, thinking mean things I would never say to him like:

"I can't imagine how I wouldn't have put that together myself" or

"What could possibly make you think I care about that? Stop talking!!!!"

One lesson to be learned here is that I am mean and judgemental, which is true but not the point. The point is, until dusk I felt anger towards him and resentment that I must spend the time with him. Filled with such unhappy thoughts, my mind obviously was not much geared towards revelling in being alive and I certainly wasn't feeling my-self-ish; I had shut down almost entirely and refused to make any effort to connect with this human being.

Then I looked around at the deepening night. I saw the trees, and the last rays of day shining across to the tops of the mountains. I saw the twinkling lights pop out as people retired to their houses, relaxing at the end of the day in the cozy solitude of home. I saw the first star appear in the sky (planet, whatevs) and the moon gain strength from the dying sun.

And I felt at home. I felt completely at ease, at peace, one with the universe and the road we were hurtling down. I realized I can never be anyone but me at that hour. If someone wanted an honest conversation with me, wanted to really commune with me, that's the hour. There can be nothing but truth. Nothing but open, honest, connection, at dusk. Man it was brilliant. I can't do it justice but I sure enjoyed it.

This does not mean I made any breakthroughs with my coworker. I pretty much ignored him as I had been doing, content to sit quietly and enjoy the revelry. But I was not hostile towards him, I felt no animosity, simply a desire to sit and reflect on my own thoughts.

Dusk dusk a magical time, the more I write the more I rhyme....

okay that one was no good. I apologize.

RIP Leonard

Well, it's been a long road. Leonard and I first met sometime in June or July last year. We've traveled many roads together. Soon after becoming acquainted, we drove to northern California where I visited Julie and her family, then my brother and grandpa. A long road with just Smalls, Cloud Cult, and the quiet sound of Leonards crappy, treadless tires to keep me company.

Leonard had a mind of his own. He heated or cooled at his own disgression, the automatic benefits somewhat lacking when old age sent them haywire. Whenever he felt like it, he locked me in or out, like in the epic incident when my gas light was on, running on empty, and I hopped out to read a meter. The doors locked of their own accord, locking me out while the engine idled away its tiny reserve of fuel. This resulted in a panicked situation leading me to pay $140 to have someone pick my lock and let me in. There were two more such occurences, though luckily much less expensive.

Then the delightful moment when my backpack, complete with the only key I had for Leonard, soared off Mount Timpanogas and it cost another $300 to make two keys. 

The random moments when the alarm was set unbeknownst to me, and I had to scramble to turn it off in the middle of the night or in parking lots.

But Leonard has warmed me when it was cold outside, his seat warmers heating me long before the heater got around to working. His sun roof allowed the stars to look down upon me as I drove at night. He took me to Sun Valley to visit Smalls, to Idaho to see my family, and to Washington to visit Jackie and Lindsey.

He's driven on golf courses and railraod paths.

 But then remember this? Though he did, in the end, get me to Vegas, it took a lot of coaxing and a lot of money to do it.

 And then. After a fuel pump, after new tires, (6 in the last year), after new brake pads and rotors, tie rods and leaking hoses, the final ride. Coming back from Idaho, Leonard died yet again. But this time, he did not restart.

I'm sorry Leonard, but this was one time too many. This was too far. The boys tried to fix it, ended up lighting him on fire so we took it to a mechanic, mechanic changed the cam sensor then the timing belt snapped as they tried to start it, possibly destroying my engine as well. Basta. I've had enough!

It's been a wild ride. I've spent probably 3 x's what we paid to buy this car trying to fix it up. About a thousand in the last two months, only to lose him now in such an unglorious way. But maybe it's time to move on. Time to get rid of things that are dead  and look to the future.

Farewell, old suckwinkle.

Provophenia VIII

Okay, while I would love to post about my first awesome weekend which happened on Sept. 17-19 and consisted of Cloud Cult, Wendy, Jackie, and Derek, until I have pictures I feel it would be very boring. So let me start with my second awesome weekend that just happend, with the amazingness that is a scooter rally.

Here we all gathered at the Lounge, preparing for the first big ride. I was surprised at the variety of ages and types of scooterists, as well as the largely male crowd.

 Here we are at Squaw Peak, a beautiful overlook after a lovely ride up Provo Canyon. Why have I never done this myself? It was so pretty and so fun to wind up the road on the scooter. We stopped at the top for quite some time and I got to know a lot of really cool people.

 Everywhere we go we park our scooters in a line and take pictures. It just seems to be the thing to do.

Buddy was so proud to have friends. that is another orange buddy next to me, slightly cooler colors and carrying two! The guy behind Laura got hit on his scooter recently and its out of commission for a while. Scary!

These guys are slow racing. Slow racing is basically going as slow as possible to keep from going far. Whoever touches their feet down first or reaches the end first loses.

 We went on a midnight (more like midnight thirty) ride out to Utah Lake later that night. I had to do it-once in a lifetime right? at one point I even envisioned myself jumping in the lake, as I do in all bodies of water, especially when its cold or absurd to get in. But by this point, I was so incredibly tired and freezing cold I decided that plan was silly. This guy...Blake? Jake...had the right idea with the face mask. .

We got shakes at Sammy's after that; fun, but the excitement was wearing away into utter exhaustion for me, and I was literally shaking from cold at this point. Still good times.

What I really felt was that I belonged. That I had found friends, people that shared something with me, in Provo. Not just the scooting, although obviously that is what brought us together. But these people were real, they were sort of rough, they were funny, and they made me feel so happy and a part of something. It was awesome.

Next day we met on top of the parking garage for the gymkhana. obstacle course thing.

 This little boy was too adorable. See the big jump? He didn't go off it. But wouldn't that have been amazing? Only one guy did go off it, the rest of us took the little jump.

This wasn't exactly the action shot I would have hoped for, but you can see that I really went off, right? I was super timid doing everything at first, but got a little more gutsy towards the end.

 The course involved a couple small balance things, going full circle around all four pillars, going under the limbo stick and trying to get a cherry, then turning around to go over another balance thing and then the jump.

 Michelle and her cool scooter. If you can see her shoe color, I think it is awesome with her scooter color. She's the one that gave me the courage to do the course.

 The Hurtado family, raffling off the scooter and other prizes, including the trophy Dave both made and won, after winning the gymkhana.

Some of my favorite people, Sean and Nick, in an amazing feat of balance and skill.



 Oh yeah, here I am doing the pillar. Don't let my look of terror fool you; I was amazing...or not. It was harder than it looked!

 All of us at the gas station before heading up the canyon. Well no, about a third of us.

We also went around the Alpine loop-this is us coming down. That guy behind me is crazy. He would lay on his scoot with his legs flailing out behind him. Not on the loop though; that's just crazy. By the by, who knew this drive was so pretty?! Absolutely amazing.

Seriously, every time I looked around and saw myself surrounded by twenty other scooters, I just had to laugh out loud. It's so ridiculous, but so cool too. Thoroughly enjoyed it.

Hodge Podge

These are some random pictures I found and for some odd reason wanted to post. Tonight feels rather ecclectic, and I take no responsiblity for what results.

I saw this while reading meters on south state street. It was really pretty.

Chris and I saw the most amazing view of the sunset while driving through cache valley once upon a time. I took several pictures from the car and this was one of the best.

These are Outback people. It made me happy. We were pulled over while they fixed a flat on the truck, and just sort of had a jamboree in the middle of the road.

This is my old roommates' dog in my purse. It's such a little dog.

Tonight the sunset was amazing because it was wind smeared. Subtle colors, almost blown out by the crazy blowing surges but still there in white-ish varities of yellow and pink and blue. Delightful.

Flying Days and Broken Cars

Last weekend Jess and I went to visit Smalls in California. It was a semi-planned but never planned out trip that was delightful and slightly disturbing all at once. We set off Friday morning in my car, feeling pretty good about the day and determined to make the most of it.
(sidenote: Liz, I wanted to stop sometime in Cedar and see you; I even wondered if we could leave Thursday night and stay with you. But I'd been working like mad to get done by Friday and didn't know how Jess would feel about it, so we didn't. then I really wanted to stop on our way back, but again, long drive, Jessers...tell me ya understand!!)
Okay anyhoo, it was nice. We drove, Jess crocheted and did homework, I thought about stuff...we took about an hour detour for lunch cause we thought Cafe Rio sounded good but got a little lost looking for the one in St. George. But we decided to just enjoy the ride and not worry about getting to Smalls. hmm..

Jess really likes palm trees.

Anyway, on we went, until I saw a sign that said Vegas was close...I couldn't remember how close, but close enough that I was excited about this milestone we were about to pass. We drove on a bit and then-we couldn't drive anymore. My car just stopped accelerating, just like it did on my way home from Yakima. I pulled over and turned off the car, then tried to restart it, a trick that has always worked in the past.

It didn't work.

So there we were, dead on the side of the freeway in the middle of the desert, in 107 degree weather. This was concerning. Jess said not to worry, she has roadside assistance so we called them seeking help, and they gave us nothing but anger, frustration, and an extra hour sitting on the side of the road in the desert. the incompetence of those people is hard for me even to grasp. A kindly stranger from Mississippi stopped to offer us advice during this hour long duration of pointlessness, and we decided he was very friendly. Then, after learning that, supposing these failures at assistance could ever determine our location and get a tow truck to us, we'd have to pay for towing anyway, I decided to give the ol' suckwinkle one more try to redeem himself. and what do you know-he started! So we drove into Vegas ourselves and got to a mechanic.

3 and a half hours later, $550 poorer but with a new fuel pump, we hit the road again, about an hour after we had anticipated landing in California. It was a bitter night. But Smalls and fam were so helpful and wonderful and seeing them made it all worth while. And we did have some fun while we waited.

Jess drew a lovely interpretation of my idea for a tattoo, so I could see how it looked. We ate our Cafe Rio leftovers, did homework, chatted, I talked to Julie which I'd been meaning to do for a long time. Julie, by the way, this is the rest of the story and hopefully I'll talk to soon since we got cut off.

Anyway, after that night things got much better. We had a great time visiting the smallcombs and especially checking out the FLUG TAG

Really phenomenal. there were 34 teams, each of which had costumes,

skits, and some sort of aircraft that they would launch off the pier and measure how far it "flew." Of the twenty we saw, 50 ft was the farthest, although the record is something like 207. We also saw a famous skater skateboard off the pier, and parachute guys flip around in the air and then land right on the pier; pretty impressive.

Some of my favorites. They did the dance from the three amigos and it was fantastic. Ah Flugtag, what a day.

We also went to the beach, just to walk around.

Well, among other things. All in all, a ton of fun but way too short. and maybe not cheaper than flying when your  car breaks down :( But its been running alright ever since, so that's good. I was just glad to get back to my scooter!

Writing

Well, today is writing Wednesday, so I thought I better write something. So far, my plan to accomplish things with my life is not really working. I came up with a schedule, to help tailor my daily activities and ensure certain things happened each week. Here is the schedule:

Music Monday : practice some instrument for some undetermined amount of time with undetermined result goals.

Turtle Tuesday : clean that stinky cage, get the mold off the turtle's floatie, and give her some special attention.

Writing Wednesday: Very vague here....write in a journal, a blog, some sort of written word.

Throw-down Thursday : I had a very hard time coming up with anything except throw-up thursday, so I fudged a little to make this day. Basically I'm supposed to do chores, clean the room, the bathroom, tidy things up.

Food Friday : A day to go shopping and make meal plans for the week.

Weekends are apparently free because I could come up with nothing else, and two S's in a row was just too much.

So far, I played the guitar once last Monday. I made an exception today to play my banjo because the dam jam is this weekend and I need to practice. I need to practice a whole lot more than that but, as you'll see, my accomplishments in general have been very limited, so music making follows suit.

I did not clean the turtle's cage until friday. Which left me feeling very iffy about cleaning it again this Tuesday. I mean, it had only been three days! Maybe next week...

I wrote nothing last Wednesday but here I am today, posting a blog! Yeah me, this is worthwhile.

No throw-down has happened, no chores. I tidied up my room a bit when I thought my mom would see it, and vacuumed on saturday when my dad brought a vacuum down from Idaho for me, but I don't know that that counts.

No food shopping has been done, except ice cream. But man, if food is a necessity for our physical bodies, this ice cream has been twice as necessary for my emotional body, and it has been sustaining me physically as well. Private selection, cookie dough. There are almost too many cookie dough chunks!!!! Is that even possible?!!? They have a great chocolate ice cream that smalls loves, and I'm betting their mint is divine as well. all around happiness in that container.

The weekends have indeed been free of anything productive as well.

So I'm not entirely sure this schedule has been helpful for me. But I'm not positive it hasn't either.

Unrelatedely, I am now the Field Administrative Assistant at Outback. After two other unfortunate souls attempted this job and did not stick around, and upon my pleading for a steady job instead of the inconsistencies of my previous "title", I have taken the yoke upon me and will become, in effect, Outback's b*!&h. so I"m pretty sure when bleeping out words, you're supposed to do it randomly or something. Having never done it, I thought it looked funny, so i went back and tried about ten combinations and am wholly unsatisfied with the result. How is that supposed to look?

Anyway, point being I do a bunch of dirty jobs and am available for anything they feel like throwing at me, but I have freedom in when I work, somewhat, and when I do things, and I like that. I've discovered I prefer having tasks to do instead of time to kill, having my own pace instead of someone breathing down my neck, and having the option to come and go as I please, with vacations when I want, as long as I get my crap done. This is why I'll never have a real job, but so be it.

My bosses are also very gungho about my scooter. One of them just got his own, albeit a pansy 50 cc that is bright green. His helmet, however, is a perfect orange that would compliment my scooter greatly. My other boss says I sold him on the scooter, and once I get some flames on mine he committed to getting his own and we can start the scooter club. Another boss said he wants something similar...but with 1200 cc's. We'll see.

Okay, do I have anything else at all to say here? umm, did everyone appreciate Monday? 8-9-10!!! I thought that was stellar.

Oh, I know what happened last Wednesday. I crashed my scooter and it left me speechless.

 It was a crazy stormy day, full of lightening, thunder, hail, rain, and wind. Like, downpour-rain. Flooding my work-rain. And making huge puddles-rain. I went through a huge puddle, got covered in water, and then tried to turn my little scoot.     :(   It went down. I didn't though, so that's something. Just got that nasty bruise on my leg and a scratch on my thumb. I was a bit shaken up though, thus the no writing.

Here's my dad on the scoot, just for fun. Miku's the little guy's name, scootin's his game and he's one mischevious little hooligan.

Peace.

Lasts

Thursday night I went with my roommate Jess to get sushi for that last time. I discovered it wouldn't actually be the last time, because my roommate is vegetarian and she got some veggie rolls, so I will be able to as well. The sushi wasn't great and I thought the salmon a tad bit slimy.

Friday night/Saturday morning found me huddled in a corner at 12:30 AM, devouring my last whopper and fries, after working unexpectedly 14 and 1/2 hours with very little to eat. I actually love the whopper jr., but as I was starving and it was my last burger, I went for the full on guy. Granted, it was way too late to be eating such things, but it settled in my stomach uncomfortably and wasn't nearly as good as I thought it would be.

I've been finding this every since I knew I was going to stop eating meat. I allowed myself a grace period, a prep time to accept the fact and make sure I was committed. Yesterday was my last day to eat meat, and I am now going to fruits and veggies, and hopefully more natural foods. But for that intermittent time, when I was in my no eating meat mindset, but still my indulgent, eat your lasts mode, every time I ate meat it wasn't even that good. The first time, at the family picnic in bear lake, I ate a ton of bacon and sausage, realizing for the first time that sausage is pig, and that I think I love pig more than all other meats. I also ate that sketchy tuna salad, knowing I shouldn't be indulging like that but trying to take advantage all the same. And I got horribly sick as punishment.

Had some In-N-Out, a thing of tuna when I was starving at work, all these little lapses, though allowed as August 1st hadn't come along, and every time I thought, this isn't that good, I don't need this.

I guess we'll find out! As I've been talking about this new plan with various people, I've heard about a lot of health benefits coming my way due to my avoidance of meat. That is good, but not my purpose. I made the decision after watching The Cove, a movie about dolphins that get slaughtered for their meat in Japan. I watched this about 8 months ago, and almost made this decision, but decided I couldn't.

Then on my trip to Omaha I had to wait in the airport a really long time, so I bought the book The Whale Warriors, and was instantly sucked into this movement that I apparently feel very strongly about. Same idea, Japanese ships slaughtering whales for meat, although this time they do it in reserved ocean sanctuary, claiming its for scientific research.

The book and movie are not anti-meat eating. They talk about the high levels of intelligence of whales and dolphins, and that we shouldn't capture them and we shouldn't eat them, although as far as eating them goes, they are highly toxic with exorbant levels of mercury that does not get reported on nutrition information for the meat. But for me, it was appalling. To see people kill these animals, slaughter them cruelly, just for their meat, made me so sad.

And I had to take it further. To some people, killing dolphins and whales is just what has been for years. Traditions. No different, except for astounding intelligence, than our killing and eating cows, pigs, chickens. We take something else's life to satisfy our lust. My real decision came when I accidentally killed some small potato bug or something at work, and I felt bad. I don't like killing. I don't like killing anything. Even spiders, which I detest when its in my room. And yet, because I don't see it, I'm okay with eating another creature, because I don't have to kill it, I don't have to know what happens.

It opened up this whole viewpoint of my lack of awareness of what I eat, where it comes from, how its made, and if its at all good for me. According to the book, tuna is horribly high in mercury (something you can't find levels of on the packaging), and the current methods of fishing are destroying the oceans beyond repair. So much of what I put in my body, I'm unaware of the consequences.

So there's my spiel. I am not purporting that everyone become vegetarian. I just decided that for me, personally, to go along with my "peace" idea and desire not to hurt other things, I will not eat something I wouldn't prepare myself. If I wouldn't kill it, if I would be horrified to actually watch it killed, I won't eat it. I did, in this way, decide eggs were okay. I would keep chickens and take their eggs. I almost decided I could kill a chicken, so eating it would be okay. But not now. Not until I really do kill a chicken.

Again, this is in no means an attempt to convert anyone else. I honestly don't want to tell people because I don't want it to sound like I'm right and you're wrong if you don't agree. This is just for myself, something I believe in, but a lifestyle that goes very much against the grain of what I'm used to, with a family of ranchers and hunters that I will probably never inform lest I should become an outcast. (not immediate family, but extended relatives).

But there it is, My commitment to a purer lifestyle for me, and a conservationist approach to the world. My scooter uses way less gas and should hopefully cut down on emissions, (except now I want to ride it everywhere so I find excuses to go places), I won't eat meat and will try to be more conscious of my food, (not eliminating sweets and such yet though. one step at a time), and I may one day up and join sea shephard, run away to sea and attempt to stop the killing, on an issue I've felt passionately about since Free Wiley and just didn't realize it. I guess we'll see what new firsts come along this month.

oh, i found the veggie pattie at subway is quite delicious!

Turns out its to scoot!

Well I did it. I got one! Here it is, a 2009 Genuine Buddy

The most beautiful orange color.

Just trying to figure out what to name her. Wanted to just go for the obvious, Shoku   (buddy in albanian, kind of) but it doesn't quite fit. And I'm thinking she's a girl.

Any ideas?

To Scoot or not to scoot

So I may be buying a scooter. If I do, I want to buy it soon, as winter is coming on and I want as much time to utilize the scootage as possible.

Reasons? They get freaking good gas mileage! Who knew? the average is around 80 mpg, can you imagine? I've been feeling more environmentally conscious lately and driving to Lehi everyday in my big honking car (doesn't help that it's falling apart), wasting all the gas and all the emissions, it makes me feel bad. I could drive a little scooter and save a lot of gas money and other bad things.

What I really should get is a pedal bike. That would be most environmentally friendly. But I'm not at all sure I would be committed to taking the extra time to get to work, and would probably end up in my car. Plus it would maybe be harder to ride in bad weather. So this is maybe a cop out, but maybe a step in the right direction?

Problem: I have hated scooters with a passion for almost two years now, and I can't seem to find one that I like the look of due to this fact. They look silly. They're tiny and slow and uncool. Well, except to the scooter crowd, who seem to think scooters are what life is about. I am not that crowd and dont really want to join that culture. Again, I have bitter feelings toward the scooter crowd that influence my thoughts. A small bike is another option, that could go further and hopefully on dirt roads, but I feel that would be more expensive and have worse gas mileage. But maybe I'd look cooler.

So, give me some feedback peeps. Either what you hear as far as good brands and such, or how you think I'd look coolest, or just how you feel about the weather. Really I just want two things:
1. more comments on my blog
2. someone else to make my decisions for me.

Can you see it? Me, scootin' down the road? Or zippin down on a bike? Or walking cause my car borke down and I'm too poor to buy a new one....aye me

Yakima in Two Part Harmony; Part One

Umm, I had all these pictures and stuff for this harmonic duet, but it takes too dern long on here to put pictures. So part one, with the majority of pics, is going to have to be on facebook. I have no patience.

Yakima in two part harmony- part two

WHAT I LEARNED IN YAKIMA

1. I really like Oregon. There's a part when you come through a pass thing and drop down into a green valley with mountains on one side that were all vieled in mist and cloud when I was there and it tickled me. By North Powder or Baker or something. There's a town with a college nearby that I could work at maybe? Anyway, I liked it.

2.I like green on my mountains, not just bare hills like what surround Yakima.

3. I can listen to Cloud Cult a very long time.There new album is phenomenal.

4. I am exhausted whenever I travel. I make it there and then am in a fog until I leave.

5. Being afraid that your car will be broken into makes hiking less fun.

I think my car was broken into. The top seal to my sun roof was cut.

6. I love Jackie and she is a photographer.

7. Jackie can play the guitar and piano, and is amazing at both, but less good at having people watch her play.

movie 1

8. I like cherries and WA has good ones

9. I don’t really care for fireworks. I may even be opposed to them. But I like singing Christmas songs during them.

10. I like Matt.

11. I love Lindsey